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Machete Mademoiselle Chambon
Screen Spotlight

Will Forte's MacGruber

MacGruber is a skilled tactician, a brilliant strategerist and probably the funniest man alive (theatrically speaking). His main negotiating tool is the following: "I will suck your dick…you can fuck me…or I can fuck you?" MacGruber (the film) is an American classic. Not since 1996 with the arrival of Dumb and Dumber has a film made me laugh as loudly or as vociferously as this gem from writer/actor Will Forte. MacGruber belongs in the conversation with comedy smash hits such as Anchorman, DodgeBall, Tropic Thunder, and Not Another Teen Movie. This is good company people.

 

George Clooney in The American

Much like Charles Dickens I had “great expectations.” The American offers such talent as the legendary George Clooney and a handful of actors you likely have never heard of and for good reason never will. The entire supporting cast lacks dexterity.

 

Harry Brown Starring Michael Caine

Michael Caine is England’s best kept national treasure. Harry Brown is just one of his many crowning achievements. It contains similarities with genre films The Brave One and Death Wish. The major difference is Harry Brown (and its master of craft Caine) is better and belongs in a class of its own. Many directors and actors have tried to make a great vigilante movie but Director Daniel Barber has succeeded and not without some semblance of bleakness and reality.

 

Takers

The release of Takers was delayed several times on account of scheduling conflicts and the health of the director’s immediate family. The box office results will show that America wanted to love the picture for its star-studded cast (Idris Elba, Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, Chris Brown, Matt Dillon, etc). I am thankful that Screen Gems did not put together a screening for Takers because that would have slightly hamstrung me in telling you the truth about this disastrous debacle of debauchery and distastefulness.

 

Lost Season 6 on Blu-ray

“Lost” Season 6 is an extravaganza in every sense of the word. Created by J.J. Abrams and company, the show was an hour long drama about the lives of the survivors of a commercial airline jet (Oceanic 815) that crashed in the South Pacific. Most episodes were filmed in Oahu, Hawaii for full effect. During its run from 22 September 2004 through 23rd May 2010, the program averaged nearly sixteen million viewers per episode. One of the hallmarks of the show was time travel. In Season 6 parallel storylines are revealed to add spice leading to the finale. What I have been thirsting to focus on is the final episode of Lost. Crafting a primetime hit show’s final episode is one of the toughest jobs undertaken by writers, directors and creators. Let’s find out how the Lost team performed before finishing with an in-depth look at this monstrously large and extraordinary Blu-ray release of the series’ final season.

 

DVD Topseller: Watchmen

As a woman, I have never been a comic fan compared to some die hard male fans. Even though I dislike reading brick and mortar comic books, I love seeing good comic come to life on the movie screen. When Watchmen finally hit the silver screen after about 20 years I was intrigued to watch it.

Last Updated on Saturday, 29 August 2009 08:31
 

Robert Rodriguez's Machete

Machete is an instant classic. Director Robert Rodriguez exploits Mexicans to an ungodly extreme and somehow fails to offend anyone. Every Mexican stereotype eternally conceived is propounded and in nearly every instance they are hilariousness amplified. Machete (Danny Trejo) is a federal agent whose wife was murdered in cold blood by Torrez, a former FBI agent turned rogue drug cartel boss (Steven Segal). In a moment of imprudent bravery Machete disobeyed a direct order and stormed the confines of his hideout. In the process he attempted to rescue a bare naked young woman with a body to die for (literally). Little did our helicoptering hero realize the young woman was a plant put there to lure him to his death. While “rescuing” her she uses Machete’s machete against him, then removes a cell phone from her squishy sounding vagina (highly viscous at least) to alert Torrez of his indefensible state.  The fugitive druglord decapitates Machete’s wife and believes he has killed his superhuman nemesis as well. Appearances can be deceiving just like the horrid previews for this prodigious picture.

 

The 2010 Emmy Award Winners

Can you imagine a better way to waste three hours of your life than sitting on the old barcalounger watching the Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony? Host Jimmy Fallon did a wonderful job…of embarrassing himself. Please take the guitar out of that man’s hands. The only funny moment all evening came when Neil Patrick Harris accused him of being gay, which he is (“not that there’s anything wrong with that”). The programs that took home awards demonstrate that there are too many awards given out and for all of the wrong reasons. Sometimes spectators painfully understand that programs are awarded Emmys just because they are broadcast, and for no other rational reason. With that in mind please take a gander at the 2010 Emmy Awards Winners.

 

Mao's Last Dancer

Li Cunxin (Chi Cao [as an adult], Chengwu Guo [as a teenager], and Wen Bin Huang [as a child]) was only eleven years old when Communist Party leaders arrived at his school to recruit teenagers for a special project. That project turned out to be the creation of a Chinese national ballet team to be trained at Madam Mao's Beijing Dance Academy. Li would not be guaranteed a scholarship but he would have the opportunity to compete and be judged for a position. This opportunity of a lifetime for a destitute young man with six brothers turned into a moving story and led to an international diplomatic incident. Mao’s Last Dancer is the film adaptation of Li Cunxin’s international bestselling autobiography, similarly titled.

 

The 2010 NFL Season

Yes folks the 2010-2011 NFL season has arrived and it is time for (cue the Monday Night Football music) my uber-accurate divisional record predictions. Let’s begin by evaluating each team by division. Feel free to share your selections for the top squads this year.

 

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Box Office Numbers

$16.6MThe American
$14.1MMachete
$13.5MTakers
$8.7MThe Last Exorcism
$8.5MGoing the Distance
As of September 7, 2010

Movie Quote of the Week

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.” Bill Murray in What About Bob

Hollywood Gossip

Hollywood Tidbits, Gossip, News

The 5-0 are defending Paris Hilton’s short jail stint. She got out after three hours. I guess she just slipped through the crack. Angelina Jolie has taken a break from cheating on Brad and has visited victims of the multiple inundations (floods) in Pakistan. Billy Ray and Trace Cyrus will host a show about UFO’s. I wonder if that will include Miley’s panties (unidentified flying object). Has anybody else noticed the irony that the dumbest singer of all time has the last name Swift? Jessica Simpson has finally found happiness with Eric Johnson. Who? Apparently he loves her for who she really is. I am glad somebody finally found out. Maybe Simpson will figure it out too. This just in: the Olsen twins look old. Oh, and they stopped being cute 20 something years ago.

Jessica Alba is one of the few actresses to rebound from the baby bump syndrome to regain her previous form. This just in: Katy Perry still looks like a man. Does anyone else think if Kim Kardashian loses another 40 pounds she can play Eva Longoria Parker’s (that’s a mouthful, that’s what she said) stunt double? Cyndi Lauper offered evidence she is on crack (see hair for details). Jesse James and transvestite Kat Von D are a couple. Mindy Kaling’s only fashion faux pas is Mindy Kaling. Finally, usher and Justin Bieber shared a moment backstage. I thought we already predicted this would happen?

 


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