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Bad Santa

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

       Billy Bob Thornton plays Willie, a washed up safe cracker, tail chaser and hopeless drunk, who every year with his midget partner Marcus, dress up as Santa and his elf helper in order to rob big stores. How festive is that? The problem is there are several flaws with their plan. Willie is not only the most foul-mouthed unreliable Santa ever but he has no Christmas spirit what so ever. Rather than keep a low profile, each year he seems to gets worse. He has sex with large women in the stores’ changing rooms, steals cars from the parking lot, turns up drunk, insults the kids and seems to make a mess of everything he touches. Meanwhile his tiny partner in crime, Marcus, is getting fed up with cleaning up his mess.

       Before long Willie’s outrageous behaviour attracts the attention of human resources manager Bob and security man Gin. It also attracts a barmaid named Sue who falls for his Santa suit as much as his almost non-existent drunken charm. There is one other person who is drawn in by the pull of this smashed Santa, an overweight, shy nerd of a kid called Sherman who believes that Willie really is Santa and invites him home for Christmas in the hope of getting a Christmas present.  This is one of the most off beat and offensive Christmas movie ever made.

       The film starts with Billy Bob still dressed as Santa in an ally behind a bar throwing up in the snow and it only gets worse. But is it ever funny. The dialogue is great with classic lines like "I think I’ve turned a corner, I beat the shit out of a little kid today, and it felt good." Billy Bob is fantastic as the drunk, child hating, constantly cursing Santa with attitude. Not only does he make this character edgy, pathetic and likeable, but he really can play a drunk well. He has been typecast perfectly as this type of character almost all the time. He is unsympathetic and delightfully awful as Willie, the baddest Santa in town.

       Tony Cox is excellent as Marcus, Willie’s long suffering Elf partner. He is hard-nosed and funny and pulls no punches when dealing with Willie or anyone else. Three feet tall he maybe, but a fool he isn’t, nor does he suffer them for long.  John Ritter in his final screen performance is all slime and quirky as Bob, the mall’s H.R guy who senses something is wrong with their Santa after hearing him having sex in the ladies changing rooms. He is wonderfully twitchy as Bob a man you instantly dislike.

       Bernie Mac is as always disturbingly funny as the security man for the mall who gets wise to their plans. He is the orange eating, pedicure loving, chain smoking thorn in Willie and Marcus’s side. Lauren Graham is the barmaid with a thing for Santa’s. She is sweet and charming and excellently naughty as Mrs Santa’s sister.  Finally there is Brett Kelly as the Santa obsessed, weedy, fat kid. He is the one who slowly starts to turn Willie around. With his dad in jail for fraud he lives with his sandwich-obsessed grandmother. This kid is pathetic and then some, but With Willie as a mentor things have to change.

       Basically if you are easily offended don’t go anywhere near this movie. Avoid it like perforated condom. It is un-P.C. from start to finish and doesn’t even think about apologising for it. It’s a laugh out loud, highly askew Christmas feel good film with a difference. The only turkey is the wild kind that Billy Bob throws down like water with disastrous results. Look out for the scene where he destroys the Reindeer in a drunken stupor.

       This is not highbrow entertainment, it is not a work of art, it’s just an all out belly laughs and fun kind of flick. Do not take it seriously and don’t get offended, but if you are, well you know, you can always watch It’s A Wonderful Life, again.