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Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

The all important question that director Kevin O'Neill asks is "can it make your boobs grow bigger?" Why of course it can Kevin, otherwise we would have no rational excuse for free gratuitous nudity ad nauseum. Surely we can all enjoy a few pillow fights, 50 foot tall stark naked cheerleader cat fights, and one deliciously masturbatory shower scene, but in what way does this qualify Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader as a legitimate film and not some low-class skin flick?

The visual appeal of a fifty foot tall nudist is intriguing in theory, but without a 200 million dollar budget or three dimensionality we must question the director's decision making. The success of visual masking or suspension of our disbelief is critical in turning this film from a debacle into a fun ride through luscious female beauty.

Jena Sims has some measure of talent, I will grant her that. Even so, actresses must be ultra careful not to be associated with poppycock. Furthermore, exposing oneself at age 21 is a huge mistake. Actresses must build up a desire for the public to see her naked in all of her glory. Giving up the ghost from day one is synonymous with throwing one's career in the toilet and then flushing it away for good. This analogy further applies to Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader being a piece of **** that just got flushed. Sorry folks, this movie is for teenage horn dogs that will laugh at anything. Adults would do well to look up internet porn and save time. That is simply the reality of the situation.