Hellboy II The Golden Army is more like Hellboy II the Golden Shower. Never has such a degenerate film been produced and watched by so many. The acting is frankly non-existent and forced. The characters are stolen from the director’s previous movie Pan’s Labyrinth which had already stolen its monsters from a truly great movie, Time Machine. What does one receive when equal parts sitcom, debased humor, terrible acting, stolen characters, a lack of a plot, and a shitty director coalesce into one recipe? Hellboy II the golden parachute; at once too heavy to float, too expensive to let go of, and sure to beat inflation!

        Briefly, Hellboy the original, despite having a very low budget feel to it, accomplished ten times as much as its sequel. Note to Hollywood studios: give Del Toro 20 million dollars and a camcorder next time! Time however, to pay homage to Ron Perlman. Ron, you are an excellent talent, possess a great voice, and you deserve far better than this mess. Keep up the good work and keep churning out work that keeps you the best in the business at what you do!