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Exciting New Movie News

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

     Robert Rodriguez's Machete will come out on Labor day and there is no infanticide! Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro and Lindsey Lohan's breasts will co-star in the movie. Kevin Spacey's film company is trying to levitate the comic book series "Crossed" off the ground and into a projector near you. Cheech and Chong's "Get it Legal" tour will hit the big screen this summer. The film will air live for one day like the Glenn Beck tour or MMA fights. Then it will go up in smoke, had to say it people! The waifish Kirsten Dunst will be the lead in Melancholia, a sci-fi disaster film. Let's hope the picture does better than it's description.

     Paramount may release a Mighty Mouse film in 3D. So much for my dreams of Under Dog hitting the big screen. Brad Pitt may star in Sherlock Holmes 2: The Hound of Baskervilles. It is wonderful when big name actors star in intelligent films. The fourth Pilates, I mean Pirates of the Caribbean will include Penelope Cruz. How to Train Your Dragon has retained its spot at #1 according to box office numbers released this morning. It is more like How to Train Your Audience, just give them 3D glasses and let the effects do the rest. This Friday The Losers is expected to be the winner at the box office. Talk about irony. You have been spotlighted!