Famous film critic Roger Ebert’s diatribe suggests we should stay home and bang pots and pans together instead of shelling our hard-earned money to watch this movie. Sorry Mr. Ebert that Transformers 2 is not Brokeback Mountain and does not cater to your lifestyle, but since I am a heterosexual man I delighted in Megan Fox’s hotness irrespective of your sexual preferences. If you are a regular reader it is no secret I despise movie critics who hate movies based on personal agendas rather than entering the arena of film criticism with a degree of objectivity or at least open-mindedness. There is absolutely nothing offensive about Transformers aside from John Turturro’s crotch, which is actually the most hilariously hairy crevice yet seen on screen (that rhymes right?).
Megan Fox and Shia Laboeuf are not Bergmann and Bogart, but they each have a distinctive charm. Fox is indeed the new Angelina Jolie, only not quite as arrogant or vindictive. She posseses the "IT" factor at an early age. She is the iconic all-American beauty that teenage boys masturbate to, and that 29-year-old geezers such as myself can enjoy the site of without having to dissect her acting every step-of-the way. Shia is never a bad actor because he really does not act. He relies on his boyish charm and Nickelodeon voice to attract younger audiences and to satiate older demographics by never offending anyone. Harrison Ford he is not. Perhaps someday he will grow as an actor, but for now everyone is happy he is being a youthful breath of fresh air on the scene. As a romantic duo, in a non-Hollywood atmosphere there is simply no way Fox and Laboeuf would be an item, but on-screen I am willing to suspend disbelief.
At first I complained the characters were indistinguishable, one robot from another, Autobot from Decepticon. After about fifteen minutes Michael Bay decided to slow the movie down to explain everything. There is a nice balance of plot (45%) and relentless action (55%) because critics of the world, this just so happens to be…wait for it….wait for it…an ACTION movie! The sound effects are captivating, the fighting scenes are simply incredible. I will not spoil the ending, but the initial death of Optimus Prime could not have been handled better. It truly hushed the theater and came across as epic. Making the Autobots the underdogs throughout was a great directorial choice. There is so much action, gunfire, missile launching, running, chasing, and suspense that the plot loopholes are almost invisible (almost!).
The only real criticism I have, which is in fact more of an understanding, is the invincibility of the main characters. This is necessary since the film is based of the cartoon, and not intended to be an R-Rated bloodfest. Sometimes their escapability seems fake at best, but again, the action and excitement disguise the film’s flaws. Kudos to Michael Bay for making this movie a better follower of the Transformers cartoon series than the first installment had been. Here is hoping Transformers becomes a trilogy, it is simple too awesome and too cool not to be continued.
