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Best Food Critic

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Movie Quote of the Week

"I did cocaine for about a year and a half, then it led to crack." Corey Haim

Trailer of the Week

Green Zone She's Out of My League
 
Surrogates Take Two
Written by Jonathan Jacobs   
Friday, 25 September 2009

Surrogates stars Bruce Willis and actors nobody has ever heard of before. It is a cross between The Fifth Element (fans are split on whether that movie is a disgrace or a thriller) and I Robot. I much prefer the iPhone or the iHome, and this holiday season wish for the iWrite so I will not have to compose any more articles! Surrogates has more than enough mechanical ammunition to keep us thrilled, but the enacting of a premise adapted from yet another graphic novel makes the idea too juvenile for my liking.

       Bruce Willis is not what he once was, a hulking action hero with a regular guy appeal. This is a techno-thriller masterminded by yet another group of visionaries who believe the world as we knew it is no longer what we believe it is or will be. If you can stomach another cataclysmic premise and love action, this might whet your appetite. If the entire futuristic doomsday apparatus is not palatable, do not swallow.

       Willis looks fantastic with a wig; it is enigmatic why he never donned one to begin with. The entire movie is one giant virtual reality/video game simulation. People no matter how old, out of shape, infirm, obese, unattractive, etc, are able to control surrogates while lazily lying in bed. This is wonderful for most people. It is superficial, shallow and callous to a small group of defectors led by Ving Rhames et al. The inventor of surrogates loses his only son when his own corporation uses a weapon that is capable of somehow destroying the mind of the controller while ruining the surrogate model, sort of a two birds with one stone concept. With the inventor of surrogates hell-bent on bringing down the whole system it is no wonder so much chaos ensues. 

       The entire movie is exciting if we shed our incredulousness and embrace the premise of surrogates as a possible option for the future. How far off is it anyway with plastic surgeries? Want your ass done? Your cheeks? Eye lids? Legs? Calves? Biceps? Abdominals? Hell, we can even gain a mathematical microchip if we want to enhance our inner braniac! If we are hypercritical and cannot ignore the silliness of the writing then please ask yourself the following questions: Do people mind not having sex anymore? Do they mind that a 500 pound porker may be the controller of Mr. Six pack abs flirting with them? Is it gross that a 90 year old woman may be copulating (sort of, robotically) with a 20 year old youth? Is it weird that people never procreate because they are always in separate controller beds? Do people care that they are never truly with their loved ones in the flesh? Being all you can be is one thing, but never enjoying who you really are is psychological derangement of a whole different variety.

       Overall there are good action sequences here. Bruce Willis is and will always be remembered as the king of the action movie. Surrogates however may be remembered only for how narrow-minded and blatantly idiotic the premise undergirding the entire film is. Enter smart, turn off the switch to become an imbecile, after almost two hours flip on the switch again and leave happy? Not me.

Comments
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lovin surrogates   |68.28.137.xxx |2009-09-26 10:00:23
I think it is nice to a certain extent that you can control someone
else. you can ask this person to kill and you can be whoever you want to be... a
hot chick with lucious boobies when all you really are is somone who has a dick
and is three hundred pounds.

but nothing beat feelings in the flesh.
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Hollywood Gossip

Hollywood Tidbits, Gossip, News

Corey Haim, star of The Lost Boys and Blown Away and a dozen other 80s movies has died. Whether from alcohol abuse, drug abuse or being a child actor turned loser, it is unclear how or why he died. Maybe he took pills prescribed by Michael Jackson's doctor? In another despicable act by "The Academy" Farrah Fawcett was snubbed by the Oscar Acdemy from the footage portion of those who died in 2009. Robert Pattinson is not a victim of the paparazzi, nor a victim of the tabloids, he is a victim of Ebonics. His new name in the media is "Rpatzz". Brilliant. Why does every DJ across America call teenage "sensation" Justin Bieber Justin Beaver? Are they implicating his sexuality?

Linsay Lohan is suing E-Trade Financial for a reported 100 million dollars. This finally answers the question we have all been asking; "what does a frivolous person do with her time?" the answer is "file frivolous lawsuits". Katherine Heigls take s awalk ont he wild side and attempts to have a personality. Sorry Kate, dying your hair brown does not qualify. Brooke Shields has two lovely children. The only question is when will they be appearing in commercials? I personally think Kristin Stewart and Queen Latifah rocked the red carpet when considering them on a pound for pound basis.

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