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Best Food Critic

HP

Examiner

 

Movie Quote of the Week

"In the immortal words of Socrates, 'I drank what?'" Val Kilmer, Real Genius

Trailer of the Week

Green Zone She's Out of My League
 
Legion
Written by Jonathan Jacobs   
Friday, 22 January 2010

Legion is equal parts greatness, discombobulation, filler and heresy. Paul Bettany has found his ability to act for the first time since A Beautiful Mind. No longer the prodigal roommate, he is the prodigal archangel Michael. Charles S. Dutton better known for his roles in "Roc" (playing the role of a philosophical garbage man) and Rudy makes for a colorful supporting actor insofar as he stays relatively in the background. Dennis Quaid does not belong in a low budget train wreck but he delivers a performance that exudes style and southern grace. Finally, the most prominent characters worth mentioning are Tyrese Gibson (Fast and the Furious 2) and Lucas Black (Fast and the Furious 3).

     The storyline in and of itself is farcical. It is a perversion of the bible and a complete distortion of traditional Christianity. Apparently man’s sinful ways has left God feeling so betrayed as to call for the extermination of all humanity. Rather than leading an army of angels to murder an unborn child from a whore living in a trailer (how else can one phrase it when referencing biblical jargon?) archangel Michael decides to abandon god and forsake his status as an angel to protect the unborn child whose significance we are never made privy to despite it being ‘the last hope for mankind’. Heck, I am sold!

     Lucas Black’s character is a trailer park knight in shining armor whose sole purpose in life is to love the pregnant woman despite her inability to requite that love. Tragedies abound people! Dennis Quaid and Lucas Black are father and son owners of "Paradise Falls", an out of the way diner/auto mechanic shop and play on "paradise lost" a la the Garden of Eden and John Milton. Tyrese mysteriously appears before the biblical storms of locusts and the angels’ attack. Meanwhile a father-mother-daughter trio also arrives to add a supporting cast and some drama throughout.

     The beginning of the film offers hilarity and terror. A grandmother enters the diner with her walker and rather than ordering a complete meal she asks our hero how far along she is. After the usual pleasantries, she rather suddenly blurts out the baby will burn. Now, now grandma, you should know that is not nice and not acceptable behavior in public…well, unless you are recently possessed and can climb on walls and eat large chunks of victims’ necks. Here is a trivia question folks: what has four limbs, walks on walls and is a vampire? Grandma of course!

     Overall, the first thirty minutes offers a surprisingly compelling storyline with great action, symbolism and tension. Lucas Black has come a long way since drifting! Paul Bettany is an absolute hero of an actor for taking a black hole of a script and turning it into a dramatic picture. The remainder however is ridden with holes on logic and too much boring filler than it is easy to completely lose interest. Once the first hour is over any sane viewer will beg for a remote control to fast forward to the action. This movie never fully decided whether it was an action movie or a biblical drama. It is safe to say it is more of a fender bender with an attractive woman than a train wreck with no survivors. 100 minutes is 20 minutes too long and that has made all the difference. Travel another road next time, maybe even the road more traveled by. Less is more.

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As of March 8, 2010

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