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Machete Mademoiselle Chambon

From Paris With Love (De Paris Avec L'Amour)

From Paris With Love is a movie that proves no matter what you expect to happen the exact opposite will come true. John Travolta’s newest look is immediately shocking. Sporting a thick goatee, and some of the most hideous outfits worn since Hairspray, I was inclined (at first) to dismiss his macho act as a complete dud. Ten minutes into the movie I could not possibly have been more engaged. How did this quick reversal occur? Read more to find out…

     Jonathan Rhys Meyers ("The Tudors", Match Point) plays James Reece, a wannabe spy working as a gopher in the U.S. ambassador’s office in London, England. Reece is excited by the prospect of seeing real action, something of which he knows nothing about. He is engaged to the beautiful and endearing Caroline (pronounced Caroleene and played by Kasia Smutniak). Shortly after she proposed to our academic vanilla spy, Reece is promoted by the Ambassador and given the assignment of working with Charlie Wax (John Travolta). At first, I am sure most fans will roll their eyes as within one minute of meeting Reece, Wax goes off on a profanity-ridden tirade that we have heard one hundred times before and are still waiting to enjoy. That being said, the moment their adventure begins we are made to feel not only comfortable with Wax, but uncomfortable with Reece. Wax is so badass (pardon the following expletive) that he makes James Bond look like a pansy. Reece meanwhile might as well have a million frequent flyer miles because he is a total chicken. Working with Wax is part of the promotion. Reece clearly requires heavy-duty training and to disassociate himself from a carefree love infested lifestyle. Secret agents are not bookworms or romantics who crave daily affection.

     Our new secret agent is alarmed when Wax informs him nobody will be going home until their mission is complete (he dares not keep Caroline waiting for too long!). Although Wax is unclear about the endgame, he is more than upfront about what each stage entails. Normally movies such as Shoot ‘Em Up make killing hundreds of professional hitmen look egregiously silly. Somehow, whether from expert choreographers or Travolta’s brilliant skill set, murdering dozens of criminals seems straightforward. At first Reece witnesses Wax obliterate an entire Chinese restaurant’s staff as though they were rank amateurs. Afterward in a fascinating scene Wax shoots holes in the ceiling and voila cocaine falls from the skies. Their prayers are answered. Reece is instructed to collect as much Bolivian marching powder as possible in an antique vase that is decorating the now defunct restaurant. The adventures continue as now Agent Reece learns a new lesson almost by the hour and painfully grows into being a deadly assassin.

     Gradually we are made aware of the reason behind Wax’s pairing with Reece (Please read no further if you are not interested in a major spoiler). Apparently, Agent Reece’s exotic fiancé is a suicide bomber who has been using him for years as a way to get inside the Ambassador’s office. Her goal is to one day gain access to an international conference to wreak havoc on the West. She is not only a murderer, but a finely-trained deadly weapon. As aforementioned, moments before receiving the promotion to espionage agent, Caroline proposes to Reece. She gives him a rather large and gaudy ring allegedly from her grandfather. As it turns out the ring is a transmitter alerting the Middle Eastern terror cell of his and Wax’s location at all times. After destroying several terror cells, pimps, and assassins, Wax and Reece accept Caroline’s insistent dinner invitation. While ostensibly sitting down and enjoying dessert, Wax shoots a gaping hole into Caroline’s best friend’s head. He insists that Reece’s fiancé is a terrorist but of course, our love smitten fool refuses to believe it. For his troubles, his fiancé shoots him in the shoulder (a near miss from his heart). After chasing Caroline’s terror director, Wax climbs to a bridge and fires a bazooka (seriously, this is incredible footage) to prevent the bomber from hitting the Ambassador’s delegation on the highway. One crisis averted, one to go. Once inside the conference Reece has to locate Caroline in a Muslim outfit disguising her and helping her blend into the Middle Eastern part in attendance. Finally he finds her with C4 strapped to her entire body, ready to detonate and blow the whole building to smithereens. After trying to appeal to her love and compassion, Reece sees she will not be swayed and he shoots her in the skull. One tragedy averted, another made worse.

     John Travolta has outdone himself in From Paris With Love. Despite looking like a total sleaze ball he is so unpredictable, wild and electrifying that one cannot take their eyes off him. Jonathan Rhys Meyers is charming and nonchalant in his own way and serves as a nice balance to his partner. Even so, Travolta has stolen the show and left Meyers looking amateurish himself. Teacher and student, mentor and learner, they become close friends. Somehow in the middle of being on the verge of dying for days straight with no showers or sleep, Meyers manages to provide Travolta with a Royale with Cheese (Pulp Fiction reference not lost on most viewers). Finally, I would suggest to Travolta that he trim the goatee just a fraction, and that Meyers should learn to speak with an American accent if he intends to portray one. Maybe ask Hugh Laurie for help? A tour de force, good show boys!

Last Updated on Sunday, 07 February 2010 15:06  

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Box Office Numbers

$16.6MThe American
$14.1MMachete
$13.5MTakers
$8.7MThe Last Exorcism
$8.5MGoing the Distance
As of September 7, 2010

Movie Quote of the Week

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.” Bill Murray in What About Bob

Hollywood Gossip

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The 5-0 are defending Paris Hilton’s short jail stint. She got out after three hours. I guess she just slipped through the crack. Angelina Jolie has taken a break from cheating on Brad and has visited victims of the multiple inundations (floods) in Pakistan. Billy Ray and Trace Cyrus will host a show about UFO’s. I wonder if that will include Miley’s panties (unidentified flying object). Has anybody else noticed the irony that the dumbest singer of all time has the last name Swift? Jessica Simpson has finally found happiness with Eric Johnson. Who? Apparently he loves her for who she really is. I am glad somebody finally found out. Maybe Simpson will figure it out too. This just in: the Olsen twins look old. Oh, and they stopped being cute 20 something years ago.

Jessica Alba is one of the few actresses to rebound from the baby bump syndrome to regain her previous form. This just in: Katy Perry still looks like a man. Does anyone else think if Kim Kardashian loses another 40 pounds she can play Eva Longoria Parker’s (that’s a mouthful, that’s what she said) stunt double? Cyndi Lauper offered evidence she is on crack (see hair for details). Jesse James and transvestite Kat Von D are a couple. Mindy Kaling’s only fashion faux pas is Mindy Kaling. Finally, usher and Justin Bieber shared a moment backstage. I thought we already predicted this would happen?

 


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