Alison Lohman and Justin Long have as much chemistry as Rush Limbaugh and Barak Obama, or Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre, or Galileo and the Papacy, that is to say, absolutely none. Drag Me To Hell is one of those films whose title defines the experience of going to the movie itself.
Justin Long plays an aloof elitist professor from a snotty family incapable of accepting his fiancé. She is apparently a lowly loan officer at the bank and thus not worthy of participating in their lofty social gatherings. No matter how gruesome and obvious the haunting portrayed in this movie seems to be, Long remains strikingly unaware and aloof. He is almost devoid of any opinions other than nay saying softly and without any enthusiasm. Alison Lohman is neither gifted enough nor attractive enough to carry a lead role. Sam Raimi’s return to the director’s chair of a horror film after fifteen years is about as exciting as a trip to Walmart having forgotten your wallet at home.
The plot is a rip-off of The Exorcist parts one through a trillion. Alison Lohman in order to advance her career as a lead loan officer denies an unacceptable candidate an opportunity to forestall her third overdue payment to the bank on her mortgage. The old woman attacks her in a freakish parking lot assault scene that is simply bizarre. I suppose one might label the entire action sequence creepy, but nothing in this movie approaches the category of real horror. By virtue of a button and one vexatious fly, a curse is transferred onto Lohman. From that moment forward for three days an evil spirit haunts her, punches her in the face, causes a car accident, and forces her nose to gush blood like a sprinkler all over her boss’ face and white shirt. I suppose one could call her place of business the blood bank! She consults an Indian healer who sees the supernatural spirit surrounding her body. Together they pay ten thousand dollars to a millionaire nutcase who lives in a spooky old mansion to make the spirit disappear by trapping it in a live goat and trying to massacre the goat afterward. Sounds awesome right?
If you decide to watch this film after reading my review I respect you. Way to exercise your freedom as an American. On the other hand, if you are literate I might inquire how you can be as stupid as the writer of this rubbish? 0/10 rating from me, please never show this movie on cable, let it rot on Encore in ten years where it belongs. Fire Justin Long, send Alison Lohman to the CW Network and please spare me anymore "horror" films for a while.
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