Box Office Numbers

$103.0MMarvel's The Avengers
$29.6MDark Shadows
$5.8MThink Like a Man
$4.5MThe Hunger Games
$4.1MThe Lucky One
As of May 14, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

 A man has broken the world record for fist pumping buy pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Daybreakers with Vampire Ethan Hawke

A ‘Daybreaker’ could be defined by a moviegoer as a legendary creature capable of transforming from an undead vampire into a human with a heartbeat. The film Daybreakers may also be defined but in a different way. In a freezing January landscape across the nation (including the 35 degree freezing rain filled Florida) a biting vampire movie would ordinarily seem like a hot treat. Instead, this particular interpretation of vampirism is as frigid as an iceberg before climate change has caused it to break off and float to the Caribbean!

     Ethan Hawke does not have the largest or most recognizable resume. What he does possess is a certain poise that is anything but melodramatic, and a particular look that makes women swoon. His role is that of a self-loathing vampire who coincidentally works as a hematologist working toward inventing a synthetic blood substitute. He researches for the largest blood distributor in the world. Despite Hawke’s pro-human temperament the company he works for farms blood from thousands of human beings used as batteries similar to the portrayal of humans as energy sources in The Matrix. Careful though, Keanu Reeves exudes three characteristics that make his movies work; suaveness, confidence, and fearlessness. Ethan Hawke on the other hand is the most quiet, sweet, and caring vampire in history. The inimitable Sam Neil plays the owner and operator of the blood merchant corporation. It is his charm and eloquence that makes this film bearable. Neil has always played one of two roles and both with craft. In this case he is not simply the arch-villain wishing to exterminate humanity, he is apparently also a business man. To paraphrase a line from Zoolander, Sam Neil is a businessman/vampire not the other way around.

     Every character is identity-conflicted. Neil’s daughter is human and for some reason manages to evade the bloodlust of billions of vampires. Yes, I wrote billions because from 2009-2019 6/6.5 billion humans were turned. He eventually decides to turn her into a vampire to establish uniformity, an act that causes her to starve herself. Hawke’s brother serves in the vampire militia trapping and killing the remaining humans. His reward is 100% blood. Apparently, our storyline begins at a critical moment in the history of vampirism. Only 5% of the Earth’s population is still human and no suitable blood substitute has been found. When the film opened vampires were drinking 20% blood with their coffee, a percentage capable of maintaining their life force. When chaos finally breaks loose the percentage of blood mixed in to any meal is a mere 5%.

     There is only one other character worth mentioning and he is the star that received the most praise from pundits. I am referring to the seasoned Willem Dafoe. Characterized as the savior of the film by so many, I found his performance lifeless (no pun intended). Playing the role of the first and accidental vampire turned human, Dafoe's character seemed completely forced and out of his element.

     When the only featured human character invites Hawke to a pow wow he meets Dafoe and together the trio decide to experiment with turning the undead undead (the redundancy is unable to be helped in this peculiar instance). The experiment consists of Hawke exposing himself to sunlight, then when engulfed in flames he is doused with water and then an air valve is released. This miracle of science turns him human. If the sarcasm is not apparent please feel free to reread! When Hawke is captured and the rag tag band of dimwits are mostly executed he once again is returned to Sam Neil’s office. It turns out Neil would rather have chaos as it is good for business. Recapping more would absolutely spoil any hint of suspense Daybreakers offers.

     The best part of the film is the "vampire" lighting. The special effects director saved this production from something that makes mediocrity look spectacular. Without the amber-yellow vampire eyes every primary character would have looked prosaic and silly. The black and white vampire contrast with the above ground bright coloration is a nice touch. It is absurd that vampires have had 10 years as the rulers of the planet and millennia on the Earth and still have not figured out how to roam during the day without being char-grilled.

     Watch this film at your own expense. If the action does not get you, the irony of the storyline will surely bite you in the ass.

 

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