The Goods, ambiguity be thy name! You have a plot that is more 1980s Revenge of the Nerds than 1990s Dumb and Dumber. You offer the greatest collection of one liners since Anchorman, and an ensemble of comedians willing to deliver. Still, everything about this film is hyperbolized and trashy. For once my sunglasses are offering only shades of grey. There is no black and white in the world of Jeremy Piven’s desperate foray into the movie world, again.
Although you have probably watched the trailer for The Goods a dozen times, allow me to refresh your memory of Ving Rhames’ golden nugget; "Don, I haven’t been home in a year and a half, and I am 95% sure I left my front door open!". Rhames is a former pro bowl football star (Jibby Newsome) who has banged more ladies than the creators of "Bang Bus". He is motivated by two things, selling automobiles to unsuspecting customers and for once in his life making love to a woman. No, as Jibby explains, he is not a virgin, he is condemned to being like Wilt Chamberlain, all net and no rim, too much slam dunking and not enough finesse, you get the picture.
Jeremy Piven is the lead. His character is Don Reddy, a firesale specialist whose motto is "I sell cars, motherfucker". Usually the master of the firesale, Don is experiencing personal pain. He no longer has a best friend in his life. Apparently in Albuquerque, New Mexico he made a crucial mistake leading to the death of his best friend McDermott. I could not believe it but Will Ferrell is uncredited for this part and caught me by surprise. In one of the most hilarious flashbacks of all time Ferrell as McDermott reenacts his own death. "Tragically" Don had two bags ready to go. The first bag contained a set of dildos and vibrators and spatulas (who knows). The second bag contained McDermott’s parachute. Unfortunately in a moment of lust or haste or stupidity Don overlooked all safety precautions and sent McDermott into battle as a parachute stuntman for the firesale. In mid flight so to speak he realized the parachute was not a parachute but a collection of sex toys. On the way down falling to his untimely demise McDermott has troubles throwing the pink dildo away. It seems gravity is cruel even in death. Folks, you simply must watch this scene to believe it.
Meanwhile the story is about Selleck Used Cars, a dealership on the verge of bankruptcy. Don Reddy is called in by the owner to sell every car in the lot in order to keep the store open (this makes no sense. With no cars how could they stay in business. Why would they reinvest once out of the red?). Selleck’s daughter has a crush on our jaded and vulnerable star but she is dating Paxton (Ed Helms from "The Office"). Paxton is a forty year old "man band" singer. His co stars can do splits in midair and they believe they can go the distance if only a suitable auditioning space is provided. They are hoping to acquire Selleck’s lot to use as a recording studio even though Paxton is dating the owner’s daughter. Make sense? No? Not really? Not at all? Well nothing in this movie does. You will either laugh or shut it off after muttering some words of profound praise.
I would be remiss for leaving out a quick enumeration of the sub plots. James Brolin’s character is an out of the closet homosexual who will stop at nothing to sleep with David Koechner’s character. Kathryn Hahn is a sex crazed molester who wants to sleep with a ten year old boy who much like Tom Hanks from Big is actually big and has the body of a thirty year old (suspension of disbelief my tukas). Finally, Craig Robinson plays DJ Request who hates requests. How ironic. How clever. How utterly stupid and so far beyond humorous I am speechless after this word.
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