Apparently the spoof vibe in Hollywood is growing even though each movie seems to be worse than the last. If I were involved in the Scary Movie franchise I would be angry. True, they were not the first to produce a full-length spoof film, but they managed to do it well. All subsequent attempts have failed horrifically. On that dreary note, welcome to Vampires Suck!
New teen in town Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) is wholly misunderstood by her clueless father Frank (Diedrich Bader of Drew Carey fame) and is struggling to fit in at her new school. Soon she finds herself torn between her attraction to both Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) and to Jacob White (Chris Riggi). Angst fueled drama and weak attempts at humor come to a head at the senior prom.
It makes me very sad to know that I live in a day and age where a movie that simply mentions something related to pop culture 94 times in two hours can call itself a comedy and still make money. How this pile of garbage ever got green lit is beyond my comprehension. Honest to goodness, the “gags” in this film fall flatter than Jersey Shore darling Snooki’s hair before she puts in a bump-it. I assure you this intentionally lame joke is funnier than all of the humor combined in Vampires Suck!
Dressing someone up in a sparkly shirt, giving an actor an acoustic guitar, and saying the name “Taylor Swift” are what constitute hilarity in this film. Not only are the jokes inane, they are few and far between. I was not even tired and I nearly fell asleep. There are too many large portions of uneventful sequences filmed only to give this film its required length.
Speaking of foolish, will Ken Jeong (Pineapple Express, Knocked Up, The Hangover, Role Models) say yes to anything? I mean, does he even read scripts or does he just immediately accept every single offer? I am personally getting tired of his shtick and I don’t think he is nearly as hilarious as a lot of other people do.
Look, I understand that the point of a spoof movie is to be ridiculous. I get that dumb humor is all a part of the gimmick, but as with everything, there has a to be a line drawn somewhere in the sand. Unless someone comes up with an original concept or at the very least hires a talented comedy team movie fans will suffer. I am telling you that even if you wait for the DVD, you will most likely be wasting your money. Vampires may suck nowadays, but nowhere near as much as this film does.
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