Horrible Bosses on Blu-ray and DVD

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

Horrible Bosses is hypnotic. I literally could not divert my eyes from the screen. Has there ever been a Hollywood film this crass, classless and stupid? Jason Bateman (Nick Hendricks), Jason Sudeikis (Kurt Buckman) and Charlie Day (Dale Arbus) are like the three stooges, only in their case the three "doofuses" is more appropriate. Few workers appreciate the wit and wisdom of their boss(es), but to plot their murder on account of a failure to receive a promotion is dumber than Jamie Foxx ("Motherfucker"). I punctiliously measured my appreciation for this film on a 1-10 scale and my rating never exceeded a three. The average would amount to a 1.5 and that is because I am a magnanimous reviewer. How did Horrible Bosses manage to receive rave reviews in the press? Cocaine (though baby powder might have worked as a suitable placebo according to my editor), cocaine.

Nick hates his boss so much he has named Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey) something that rhymes with bick and has ash whole. Laughing yet? I know I am! Harken enjoys demeaning his employees and refuses to promote them regardless of their efforts, results and character. Such is life in corporate America. Most of us work for thoughtless morons that earn more than we do for completing half as much work and for taking all of the credit. Is this reason enough to engineer their downfall or murder? Perhaps hypothetically while having a few beers with one's pals, and this small-minded scenario best sums up the entire movie.

Kurt's favorite boss/father figure Jack Pellit (Donald Sutherland) has died of a heart attack (Sutherland never seems to want to work a full time schedule any more). His replacement is little Pellit (literally). Bobby Pellit (Colin Ferrell) is addicted to cocaine and to scoring with epically gorgeous women. His motivation in life is to profit while suppressing others. Kurt is disgusted with his lack of concern for South American villagers that will theoretically die from the toxic waste their company will improperly dispose of in their home town to augment their profit margin. Is this sufficient enough to leap to committing a homicide?

Dale is, well, a little pussy. He is a dental technician working for a libidinous sex addict that wants to ram his penis into her every orifice and repeat as necessary. Dr. Julia Hariss (Jennifer Aniston) refuses to take no for an answer. She is so sexually riled up that she is willing to fornicate with sleeping patients, otherwise known as a rare sexual disorder/impulse called somnophilia. Dale's response is to abandon his genetic manliness in favor of maintaining his loyalty to his supremely ugly fiancée. His sense of honor is really touching...only not literally. Their work environment is riddled with terrible evils such as fun, innuendo, and mutual attraction.

Eventually, after much deliberation the threesome of bamboozling idiots hires a "murder consultant" that calls himself Motherfucker (Foxx). Mofo for short, coaches Nick, Dale and Kurt on how to kill their employers and not suffer the legal consequences. Foxx even manages to throw in a few racist, anti-white zingers. Those always make me laugh...crickets. Screeeeeeeching halt.

Horrible Bosses is so funny that I laughed twice and not loudly enough to emit sound. Let's be honest with ourselves; Jason Sudeikis is a boring nobody. Jason Bateman needs to either reinvent himself or fans' lack of approval and interest will cause his movie career to once again vanish into the sunset. Charlie Day, who the hell is he again? Has there ever been a more pathetic performance that offers a lot of nothing and a little of, well, nothing? He is a spineless weasel and not in a funny way. The only flashes of comedy in this entire production come from the bosses. Ferrell is a terrific asshole (I cannot censor the profanity as the entire movie is one big swear word), Aniston is anything but boring as a sexaholic (sorry Brad Pitt, you may have rocked the boat too much), and Kevin Spacey is always a welcome moviefan's delight. Too bad the primary stars are dreadful and the secondary characters are so interesting. Honestly, if you laughed at this nonsense I wonder if you have read more than 1 book in the last ten years, and if you did, did you understand it? Duddits.