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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Amsterdam Heavy

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

"I'm not just a stripper, I'm a stripper with guns!" Truer words were never spoken, let alone in Dutch. Amsterdam Heavy is a movie that offers a little bit of every stimulus available to the human body and mind. It is simultaneously sleek and sophisticated yet tawdry and sleazy. In other words, it offers the total whirlwind effect. The fighting scenes alone are worth the price of admission, though the camera work is too vertiginous (dizzying). Read on for a synopsis but feel confident Amsterdam Heavy is light on the boring and heavy on the titillation.

JD (Rik Sinkeldam) has been through the proverbial wood chipper. One day he wakes up with little or no memory of who he is, what his mission might be, or where he is. The only information he has retained throughout his entire inscrutable ordeal is that his name is JD and he carved a phone number on his arm with a shard of jagged glass. At the risk of spoiling the initial plot twists, I must push forward to whet your whistles. JD is a lethal killer. He must be at least 6'4" and he is an unyielding wrecking ball. Perhaps his fighting style could use some polishing, but any man in the world would piss his pants if pitted against him.

The only evidence he has to go by is the phone number chiseled into his arm. This leads JD to a strip club where he searches for Monique (Allison Carroll), an exotic dancer with exquisite boobs. Monique feigns having no knowledge of JD's identity. It is when he rescues her from a ragtag band of local gangsters that she brings him back to her boat and begins nursing him to health. Monique and JD become lovers, but we are led to wonder if this is their first rodeo.

While JD is busy researching his past history, his former partner Gunther (Jeroen Post) is plotting his untimely death. Gunther is like a horny teenager that cannot stop voyeuring. His hobbies include beating people, murdering people and watching live XXX porn! My kind of villain. Sometimes one wonders if these evildoers are made out to be too likable and thus are imitated by a less than savory element in society. Prior to returning from his pseudo-exile in Bangkok, Gunther's henchmen murdered JD's wife and child, this further fueling the theme of righteous revenge. All the while, the deceptive Monique has been waiting in the wings to ensnare JD in her sexual web of lies. Got intrigue anyone?

Monique's motives are always unclear and most of her declarations are completely false. In a sense, JD's best friend and his mortal enemy are eerily alike. Monique plays at being a damsel in distress while she is at all times in control of every situation. She is guileful and tough as titanium nails.

Rik Sinkeldam is thoroughly persuasive as a do-gooding fighting badass. Watching Sinkeldam take on Micke Spreitz would be beyond entertaining. Allison Carroll is the new age sexy, both seductive and capable. Jeroen Post plays a madman gangster pimp/murdered with pizzazz. I will not unveil Michael Madsen's critical role in the film because that would be an unkind spoiler. Nevertheless, this movie, Amsterdam Heavy (a reference to a certain cargo shipment containing a beast!) is an overlooked film that should have made a much bigger splash on the American market. It is a fantastic and wildly-entertaining motion picture.