Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call of New Orleans

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

Is criminality forgivable if the hooligan is a genius mastermind? If the endpoint of nefariousness is the death of a thieving mafia gang and the apprehension of a crew of previously uncatchable drug dealing murderers would that justify the extreme means that led to the outcome? On the scales of justice how is one to weigh the actions of the police versus the crimes committed by the gangsters? Director Werner Herzog gives us his best shot at explicating this Crime and Punishment, Jedi v. Sith, right v. wrong, good v. evil philosophical query in the most bizarre film made in a dozen years, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

     Eva Mendes stars as a "lovable" prostitute (Frankie Donnenfeld) with a heart of gold and a sweetness that is endearing. Personally I do not see her charm or appeal. Mendes barely utters a few incoherent lines and mostly serves as on screen eye candy. Nicolas Cage is Terence McDonagh, a detective promoted to Lieutenant on account of bravery and heroism. Val Kilmer lends a hand as Detective Stevie Pruit. Although the perennial "Iceman" cometh again in another career resuscitation attempt, he never truly delivers on his promise. This is really the story of Kilmer’s career, a star slowly fading away after such brilliant luminosity.

     The story begins where it ends, with McDonagh choosing to interact with prisoner Evaristo Chavez (Nick Gomez). Then Detective McDonagh in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is forced to decide between allowing trapped prisoner Chavez to drown or to jump into murky water fully clothed in order to save a random stranger who committed who knows what crime. After some understandable initial reluctance the do-gooding McDonagh jumps in to save the criminal and we find out only part of what occurrs next. We are privy (some time later) to x-rays of McDonagh’s spinal cord which has been severely damaged. He will be able to continue walking and working at full capacity but the pain will be chronic and nearly unendurable. So begins a period of years of pharmaceutical and drug abuse. At first only the big three entered his previously untainted bloodstream, Oxycodone, Vicodin, and Percocet.

     For his act of heroism Detective McDonagh becomes Lieutenant McDonagh of the Port of New Orleans precinct. It seems since sustaining a severe spinal injury our "Bad Lieutenant" has become a drug user. His drugs of choice are marijuana, cocaine, heroin and ready rock (a.k.a. crack). He even wields a lucky crack pipe just for fun. On a side note it is rather inexplicable how McDonagh’s colleagues overlook his drug abuse and seemingly dismiss it altogether as a minor vice. Adding fuel to the already obstreperous blaze, the Lieutenant has a severe gambling problem that lands him in trouble.

     The story is incredibly complicated so stay with me and I will make it as short and concise as possible. Lieutenant McDonagh has to interrogate rapper Xzibit and his associates Midget and G. They refuse to offer any information on the massacre of innocent people that they allegedly committed. Fortunately for the NOPD a young man witnessed the crime. Unfortunately after taking the young man into police protection under Lt. McDonagh, his best friend Frankie (Mendes) has been beaten by a client and calls for his immediate help. Never one to shy away from a distress call, McDonagh goes to her rescue and then steals her client’s money because the S&M lover mercilessly beat her and then refused to pay. This brings the mafia into the equation and the Lt. becomes a target owing recompense plus interest. Normally our addict of an officer would steal drugs from young people in exchange for their freedom and silence, but he has to devise a plan of action for earning enough money so as to avoid sure death and dismemberment. In the middle of all this the young witness escapes and flees to London.

     McDonagh is forced to interrogate his guardian and grandmother at gunpoint. He heinously threatens to suffocate the old woman if she refuses to reveal the boy’s whereabouts. This leads nowhere but to trouble and the loss of the prime witness. The Lt. now has gambling debts, needs to pay back 50K to the mafia, to keep his prostitute girlfriend safe and to tend to his alcoholic father and mother’s rehab. He devises a plan to infiltrate Xzibit’s gang in order to kill two birds with one enormous boulder. Revealing more would not only ruin the movie it would cause you never to watch it.

     First of all any movie with an actor named Xzibit in it is a piece of crap without question. Secondly, Mendes offers absolutely nothing for viewers other than toothy smiles and grins. Kilmer is barely noticeably beyond a terrible dye job done by amateur makeup artists. Critics heralded Bad Lieutenant as "masterful" and "thrilling". It is boring throughout and it feels like it lasts for five grueling hours. It is the longest 122 minute film in the history of 122 minute films (I am not sure I had ever watched a 122 minute film before today!). Admittedly I am biased. I do not like watching people get high on pot, smoke crack, snort heroine, or abuse prescription medications. Call me old fashioned I know! Nicolas Cage is one of my all time favorite actors and I am not sure how to react to this. His character rapes girls in front of their boyfriends after stealing their drugs, threatens football players to influence gambling spreads and associates with criminals while acting worse than them in order to arraign them. Some justice! While I expected to be thoroughly entertained and even wished I had been able to catch this picture at the theater I am now thankful I failed because Port Call failed along with me.