| $ | 103.0M | Marvel's The Avengers |
| $ | 29.6M | Dark Shadows |
| $ | 5.8M | Think Like a Man |
| $ | 4.5M | The Hunger Games |
| $ | 4.1M | The Lucky One |
| As of May 14, 2012 | ||
A man has broken the world record for fist pumping buy pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.
Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!
Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?
J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.
Read more...There are not enough synonyms in the English language that will do justice to the words I will apply toward lauding The Adjustment Bureau. It is quite simply extraordinary. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that Matt Damon would rise to the forefront of my list of the greatest contemporary actors. Emily Blunt always struck me as an actress that has been miscast a handful of times, and as a consequence she seemed to be trying too hard to conform to misappropriated roles. Together, Damon and Blunt have warmed my heart as they will yours too. The Adjustment Bureau is a true thriller that will leave you panting.
David Norris (Damon) is a Congressman/businessman that loves to sway a crowd. The only time he feels at peace and less lonely is when there is a large gathering of people thriving on his every word. He is a politician to be sure, but one with spunk and with heart. Despite having a comfortable ten point lead in his bid for the United Stated Senate, Norris loses on account of a press release exhibiting an embarrassing photo of his practical joke. Apparently, he mooned former classmates and in this age of blogging and of the omnipresent paparazzi, his electoral campaign paid the price. While in the men’s room preparing to deliver an agonizing concession speech, he hears a voice in one of the stalls. Out exits Elise Selles (Blunt), a gorgeous woman that heard the Congressmen’s otherwise private soliloquy. In the few minutes they spend together in their vulnerable states, both fall in love. Unfortunately, fate has plans for these two lovebirds, but it is not living happily ever after.
Elise’s role is to inspire David to deliver a magnificent speech guaranteed to rally support for his future campaigns. He did just that by riveting the crowd by revealing focus group stories and by sharing information about his thoughts and feelings. Overnight he became a force to be reckoned with. This is where everything changes in his mind and in his heart. As time passes, a member of the “Adjustment Bureau” (to be explained in a moment), named Harry (Anthony Mackie) is supposed to influence David to spill coffee on himself and thereby miss the bus. Harry deliberately neglects to follow through and thus David boards the bus on time. There he finds Elise, and his mind is immediately made up, she is the woman of his dreams and he will never let her go. It does not hurt that she is a ballet dancer, is flexible, and looks damned fine in dark stockings. After feeling heartwarmed and enthusiastic, David goes to work. He arrives too early because of Harry’s inaction and he finds what no human beings are supposed to see. The Adjustment Bureau is modifying his colleagues’ thoughts and behaviors. They have a plan for David and his future. That plan does not include Emily.
Having captured David on account of their swiftness and ability to teleport through doorways, members of the bureau burn Emily’s phone number and threaten David. They inform him that his mind will be erased if he pursues her. Life continues as he is crestfallen and laments his misfortune. After riding the same bus for three years where he bumped into Emily, fate or free-will intervene and he finds her by chance. The Bureau did not plan on this random contingency. He cannot tell her who they are but he does everything in his power to stay with her. They cannot keep their eyes off one another their love will not be denied…until the Bureau intervenes in cruel and unforeseeable ways. Ultimately, David is given a strict choice. Either he forgets about Emily and destroys his heart forever (figuratively), whereby he will become President of the United States, or he can be with her and kill her dreams of becoming a world renown ballet dancer. Got a cliffhanger?
It should not surprise anyone that the genesis of The Adjustment Bureau was a short story by the science fiction legend Philip K. Dick (Total Recall, among others). For the life of me I cannot understand why this film was not released in 2010. I would have resoundingly endorsed Damon and Blunt for Oscar candidacy. Within half an hour I felt convinced that this film had taken a spot of my list of all time favorites. It is a weird scientific mixture of The Butterfly Effect, Inception, Jumper and Vanilla Sky all wrapped into one unexpected present. The Adjustment Bureau is so far the film of 2011. It very well may stay that way. Time will tell.
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