Box Office Numbers

$103.0MMarvel's The Avengers
$29.6MDark Shadows
$5.8MThink Like a Man
$4.5MThe Hunger Games
$4.1MThe Lucky One
As of May 14, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

 A man has broken the world record for fist pumping buy pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

Read more...

Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Our Revue Continues with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Book Five, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is the best novel J.K. Rowling has written. Ironically, it is probably the worst movie of the franchise. The book offers nearly 800 pages of rich and splendid detail that flows like a waterfall downstream. Year five (the film version) begins with Harry fending off two rogue dementors in plain daylight and in front of his lousy cousin, a muggle. The Ministry of Magic, led by the deluded Cornelius Fudge, holds a virtual show trial with an all hands on deck jury.

Fudge’s goal is to discredit Dumbledore and to restrict Harry from continuing his studies. Once absolved of any wrongdoing, the boy who lived (and peed, and showered, and a whole host of other really cool magical activities) returns to Hogwarts for the most important academic year yet. Year five’s OWLS (ordinary wizarding level tests) are dreadfully important to wizarding students as they are in the process of choosing a lifelong career in the magical community. Harry, Hermione, and Ron suffer sundry intractable obstacles as they relentlessly study for these tests.

While Dumbledore is under suspicion from Voldemort’s cronies at the Ministry, a “High Inquisitor” is sent to Hogwarts to amend rules and the week out all undesirable professors. This would be the shrill, oompa loompa Dolores Umbridge (played by the talented Imelda Stauton) seeks to displace Harry and his followers. She is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher as well and her mission is to suppress students from learning how to defend themselves against dark wizards whom she insists do not exist. While Umbridge is busy causing chaos at Hogwarts, Harry is having visions of Voldemort’s actions. Mr. Weasley is savagely attacked and survives only because of Harry’s ability to monitor Voldemort. This ability causes Dumbledore to have Professor Snape teach Harry “occlumency” which refers to a wizard’s ability to block out all invaders from one’s private thoughts. Voldemort is trying to use Harry as a vehicle for destroying Dumbledore.

As usual, Malfoy and his dimwitted cronies are hellbent on disturning the Gryffendors all year long. Arguably, the most essential development in year five is Harry’s willingness to teach other students how to defend against dark wizards and witches. Together with Neville, Cho, Hermione, Fred, George, Ron, Luna Lovegood, and a host of others, Harry forms a secret group of student wizard practitioners known as D.A. or Dumbledore’s Army. They practice jinxes, curses and defensive magic in the Room of Requirement. My favorite scenes involve the oft-absent Hagrid’s forays into the forest with his brother, the massive giant. Ginny Weasley accepts a bigger role as Harry and Cho have a serious falling out.

Harry’s dreams mostly involve a room as the Ministry containing glowing glass orbs. It turns out there is a prophecy housed in a special room that can only be retrieved by Harry himself. Voldemort and his growing arms of Death Eaters will stop at nothing to lure Harry in for the kill. As Harry becomes attached to his godfather, Serius presents the perfect bait for the Dark Lord. Harry risks losing everything by trying to play the part of the ultimate hero.

As I originally stated, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a wonderful novel, but an all too abridged movie in which blame is shifted, details are ignored, and key plot points go unmentioned. Overall, I recommend the novel but must give very little encouragement for the film.

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