| $ | 103.0M | Marvel's The Avengers |
| $ | 29.6M | Dark Shadows |
| $ | 5.8M | Think Like a Man |
| $ | 4.5M | The Hunger Games |
| $ | 4.1M | The Lucky One |
| As of May 14, 2012 | ||
A man has broken the world record for fist pumping buy pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.
Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!
Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?
J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.
Read more...The Harry Potter franchise has come of age. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is terrific a film for young adults. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince served as a bridge-way to adulthood in the Harry Potter saga. In Deathly Hallows so much is borrowed and so much is new. Unfortunately the scales are tipped in favor of the borrowed, and portions borderline on outright cinematic plagiarism. I implore you to continue reading, as you will find an opinion of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows unlike any other.
First of all, I am compelled to describe the characters as adults. Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley), Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) and the now pixie-cut Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) have matured beautifully. Casting these three from the beginning has been an unprecedented masterstroke of good fortune. So much has occurred in their fictional lives that the payoff (Part II) promises to be nothing short of spectacular. If you read carefully, you would have noticed that I wrote that the payoff will end spectacularly. The Deathly Hallows Part I is not the conclusion; it is a storyline driven prelude, or a dress-rehearsal, if you will, to the grand finale that will be epic. However, the calm before the storm is full of worry and waiting. The best part of waiting in the eye of a hurricane is the anticipation of what is yet to come.
As the film begins, Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) is sitting inimically at a conference table surrounded by an assemblage of his insidious Death Eaters. The mood is tense. This is the most human and alive we have seen the Dark Lord since his soul embodied a young Tom Riddle protecting a horcrux/diary. Clearly, Voldemort is nearing the height of his power and is ready to further his plans for world domination. Everyone at the table (including Bellatrix Lestrange, and the Malfoy trio) furnishes him with favors and flattery. Regardless of whether they are beholden to the Dark Lord or genuinely believe in his vision, everyone seems subjugated and willing to serve at his beck and call. Enter Severus Snape. Once in doubt of being a turncoat (doubted by both Harry and Voldemort), Snape offers his master details of the Order of the Phoenix’s revised plan for moving Harry early, to avoid detection by the death eaters.
This leads us to a humorous vignette in which Harry’s despicable uncle and his surrogate family drive away at lightning speed, leaving him behind to face the consequences of the imminent danger. Before this scene, I found it fascinating and revealing when Hermione cast an obliviation spell on her parents to prevent them from remembering they have a daughter. This helps set the tone for this new and grimmer sort of Harry Potter movie. Harry is greeted by those remaining in the Order, who apparate into his home. Lupin, Mad Eye, the entire Weasley clan, Mundungus, and Professor McGonnagal have come to spirit Harry away from harm and into hiding at the Weasley’s. During the action-packed journey, the entire army is assaulted by Death Eaters, presumably tipped off by Snape. One of the Weasley’s suffers a grievous (but not fatal) facial wound, and Mad Eye is killed after being abandoned by the slippery Mundungus. No, his eyeball does not fall off and roll away!
Having arrived at the Weasley’s, everyone seems unsettled and frightened. As a distraction they continue preparing for Bill and Fleur’s wedding. One of the many plot points that upsets me is that in the novel, Harry is disguised as a hideously misshapen man to avoid detection at the Weasley residence. This transfiguration does not occur until much later in the film, and it is made out to be more humorous than life-saving. Such is show business, I suppose.
At the Weasley’s, we are privy to the first glimpse of the sensual romance brewing between Harry and Ginny, as he zips-up her dress, but only for a fraction of an instant. Much to my dismay, these nuances and subtleties (as described in the book) are unseen onscreen. At the wedding, Harry is given his first clue as to how to unwrap the mystery of the horcruxes. While trying to quietly leave, rather than allowing Harry to leave to fulfill his destiny, Hermione and Ron insist on accompanying him. This leads to some brilliant and dreadful scenes. The distasteful scenes have more of a Twilight feel to them than a traditional Harry Potter nuance.
On their own and completely away from more the more practiced wizarding hands of their parents and mentors, our tripartite alliance begins their quest to end Voldemort’s reign of terror. On their own, fights erupt that distract our three brave young wizards from their intimate and formerly unbreakable friendship.
Their first journey is to the Ministry of Magic, after the downfall of Rufus Scrimgeour (played by the eminent, if not ubiquitous, Bill Nighy). All mudbloods (those who are the offspring of half wizard/half normal parents) are in the process of being segregated or eliminated, and the woman everyone loves to hate, Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton), has been restored to a position of power within the Ministry. In order to sneak into the compound, Ron, Hermione and Harry drink polyjuice potion and disguise themselves as employees. This works brilliantly, until the end, when their potions wear off and reveal their identities in the middle of the Ministry’s courtroom. The group survives this mishap, and they have a great deal of fun in the process, despite the lack of results the visit brings them.
As if their quest could not become any more difficult, it appears that the horcrux Harry is carrying curses its wearer with combativeness and negativity. Since brevity is the soul of wit, let me be brief ladies and gentlemen (a lovely “Hamlet” reference). The most exciting moments occur when Harry visits his parents’ graves in search of an article left to him by Dumbledore, the Sword of Gryffindor. Harry is attacked in the bitter cold by Voldemort’s anaconda-sized snake. Near the middle of our adventure, Ron abandons his friends in a moment of panic and immaturity. This leaves Harry and Hermione alone. Director David Yates gives us the impression they are on the verge of having a passionate affair together. Harry and Hermoine’s mutual misery seems to draw them near a frenzied sexual passion. I do not recall reading anything of this kind in the novel, which is why I previously expressed my discomfort over having the characters participate in a love triangle invented by the director to spice things up a bit. The most thrilling (if anything in Part I can be labeled as such) moments arrive when Harry and his wonderful friend Dobby help Ollivander (John Hurt) and others escape from the Malfoys’ manor.
Eventually, Harry and his companions discover what the “deathly hallows” are, or more precisely, what they refer to. This causes them to feel a measure of both desperation and fear, should Voldemort come to possess one or more of the hallows. Eventually, it feels as though the action fizzles more than it flourishes, but this is emblematic of milking the public’s purse strings with a two-part finale.
Regrettably, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows feels like the exoskeleton of the novel it is based on. The inside of this film is hollow, inasmuch as hundreds of details are ignored or are glossed over. I read the novel and actually enjoyed it, despite feeling peeved by J.K. Rowling’s incessant use of stolen concepts. During certain portions of the film, I almost thought I had been watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Much of the language has been ripped off from the LOTR series and from the film Excalibur. I fully understand the director’s urge to utilize or emulate a proven formula, but please do not insult my intelligence, and do so blatantly and verbatim. On the bright side, in this installment (the beginning of the end), the characters experience death and pain in more realistic ways than ever before. The series has made its final transition into feeling real and worldly, rather than childish and magical. Frankly, I am under the impression that the best parts of the Harry Potter movies have always been its innocence and ability to touch our hearts with the goodness Harry’s altruism inspires. The Deathly Hallows is grim, and the futures of our heroes and heroines appear to be in jeopardy. I enjoy this aspect, as there is a cogent storyline riddled with the promise of suspense. Overall, I find myself plagued by the film’s imitational attitude, and I for one do not find that to be noble flattery; I find it to be vulgar and unnecessary.
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