| $ | 55.6M | Marvel's The Avengers |
| $ | 25.5M | Battleship |
| $ | 17.4M | The Dictator |
| $ | 12.5M | Dark Shadows |
| $ | 10.5M | What to Expect When You're Expecting |
| As of May 21, 2012 | ||
A man has broken the world record for fist pumping buy pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.
Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!
Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?
J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.
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Golden boy J.J. Abrams' Super 8 is Spielbergian in nearly every conceivable way. It comes as no surprise that Abrams is Spielberg's chosen one, or grand successor. With Super 8 he proves not only why he so versatile, Abrams also unleashes his inner Spielberg for the world to enjoy. Without question, Spielberg once led a movie revolution that changed the way films are viewed and allowed parents to welcome pictures into their homes for their entire families. Abrams has recreated a world from the late 70s/early 80s that is equal measurements nostalgic, frightening, and exploratory. Although both myself and my guest for the screening cannot figure out why this film is entitled Super 8 (as we counted only 6 featured children), I will endeavor to convey the highlights of the story and provide an evaluation. Hint, hint, this is a fun feature family film, alliteration notwithstanding!
Joe Lamb (Joel Courtney) is an impressionable teenager. Four months ago his mother died in a tragic factory accident while working overtime to fill in for a drunken employee. The only possession the authorities recovered is a beautiful locket that Joe wears everywhere and protects with great care. In lieu of his mother's kindness, his grieving but outwardly emotionless father is filling in as the protector-in-chief. Jackson Lamb (Kyle Chandler) is deputy sheriff in Lillian, Ohio. He is an excellent officer but is still figuring out how to be a good father to his forlorn son. Fortunately, Joe is popular. He has a wonderful collection of friends, each with their own rich personality. His best friend since kindergarten is Charles (Riley Griffiths). Charles' family welcomes Joe into their home any time and with good reason. Regrettably, Charles is ultra-demanding/bossy, but he is trying to protect his friend. Martin (Gabriel Basso) is a comical teen with great acting skills despite his youthful timidity. Preston (Zach Mills) is a member of the gang although he is a total fraidy-cat. Cary (Ryan Lee) is the resident firecracker specialist. He is hilariously addicted to pyromaniacal effects. The last member of the crew, and arguably the most important is Alice (Dakota Fanning's sister Elle).
The group of best friends is making a movie about zombies and romance when disaster strikes. Their honors biology teacher Dr. Woodward (Glynn Turman) drives off a ledge and crashes into a roaring air force freight train. Somehow their teacher survives this horrific crash. The train cars zigzag as they are derailed and metallic debris scatters ubiquitously, nearly decapitating the youths. Everyone survives, as does Charles' camera (Charles is vehemently trying to win a film award against slightly older student directors), but the explosions and the derailment prove psychologically horrific for the teens. When they try to rescue their teacher, he advises them to never mention the accident to anyone and to run away as fast as they can. It turns out the air force is closely guarding a secret about the train's manifest.
Shortly thereafter strange occurrences begin in the town. The air force for all intents and purposes establishes martial law, and neutralizes any resistance, including Joe's father Deputy Lamb. Onboard the train had been thousands of Rubik's cube shaped objects with special but unforeseeable powers. The teens go on with making their movie, and in the process Alice and Joe begin to develop feelings for each other. They have both been impacted by the loss of their mothers and they are sweethearts. As the teens begin suspecting something has gone terribly wrong, the town begins to descend into a maelstrom of chaos. The electricity is turned off, the dogs flee (not flea) to surrounding counties, and the people are becoming antsy. Many suspect a Soviet invasion, but few are ready to admit to an alien monster being the culprit.
Dr. Woodward's intent was to free the rabid but sensitive alien along with his radioactive devices. The alien is psychic but only to the touch. The air force has kept him imprisoned and tried to unlock the secret of his extra-terrestrial technology. The air force will do anything, silence anyone, and commandeer any town to protect their chattel. All the while, Joe and Alice are under strict orders to stay away from one another as their parents are also guarding a terrible secret that could shatter both youths to pieces.
I seldom, if ever, read other critics' reviews as the very process would inherently poison my own and destroy any semblance of originality I can manufacture. Still, I could not help but read a tagline from a newspaper critic that labeled Super 8 an "ersatz" film, meaning that it is a cheap imitation of an original. While the alien's ironic resemblance to E.T. or to Predator lends slight credence to that characterization I could not disagree more. Harkening back to the 70s and 80s is a breath of fresh air amidst a field of festering films focusing on profanity, vulgarity and tawdry sexuality. The films I enjoy most are full of hair-raising terrors, nostalgic family moments, coming-of-age stories, and adventurousness. Abrams deftly borrows concepts and themes from Spielberg (with whom he concocted the primary framework for this film) and utilizes his own exciting style to bring us a new age classic that the entire family may watch together. Everyone will enjoy some aspect of this motion picture as there is an enormous volume of different features to appreciate. Elle Fanning is going to be a huge star. She is a natural actress and quite pretty to boot. This summer blockbuster season is not only unrelenting, it is also proving to be surprisingly enjoyable.
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