Tenure With Luke Wilson

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

Tenure is fascinating for much more than being the first straight to DVD Friday morning release in popular memory. The characters (every character) are given brilliant dialogue, they are perfectly cast for their individual roles, and frankly, they are all excellent comedians. I expected another rubbish pile and instead I came upon buried treasure. Look out Pirates of the Caribbean, for the fourth installment you can go to Blockbuster Video and see Luke Wilson about your precious metals.

     Professor Charlie Thurber (Luke Wilson) is an all-around excellent human being, a professor after my own heart, and he is completely lost in the battle of tenure. His opponent is the new kid on the block, Professor Elaine Grasso (Gretchen Mol). There is an immediate spark between these two intellectual knuckleheads bereft of courage in all aspects of their lives. This chemistry (in all honesty intellectuals often marry for a handful of reasons. First, it is convenient as their schedules are similar. Second, collaborative works take half the effort and relieve a scholar from sinking on his or her own. Third, in the words of one of my doctoral mentors Dr. Pyron "Intellectuals for some reason beyond me just love to f***") is not at first exploited because of several hilarious factors. First, Charlie’s best friend is Dr. Jay Hadley (David Koechner). Jay is the faculty advisor for the "Sasquatch Club" and is perpetually in search of Bigfoot. In his comically warped mind, he believes he caught Bigfoot on tape when in fact the evidence points toward a trefe branch being awkwardly shaded in the background. Having recently been denied tenure to a kiss ass doofus of a professor who plays by the rules and schmoozes to perfection, Jay is angry with the whole system and goes on a tear as a saboteur. His mission is to secure tenure for his best friend Charlie at the expense of Professor Grasso. This leads to too many bizarre moments to recount.

     My favorite of these bizarre moments occurs when Elaine confronts Charlie about being gay. To prove he is straight he hires a PBS telethon volunteer to be his escort to Elaine’s dinner party. Elaine looks up to Charlie as a mentor and as a genuine new friend so he is forced into a corner. It turns out his date has a boyfriend who just so happens to be a police officer, bisexual, and insists on driving them to dinner. I cannot discern whether this sequence of events is laughable because of the fear of being discovered or because it is written perfectly. Maybe both now that I consider it again. Jay even attempts to embarrass Elaine as a thief when he accuses her of stealing his coca cola classic from the faculty fridge. All the while he befriends Charlie’s ailing father and his horny bitch of a sister who imposes without fail at his worst moments.

     Professor Thurber entertains the whims and partially the fantasies of two fascinating students. One is a lovely young woman who has discovered the art of persuasion and push up bras. She continually attempts to seduce our favorite protagonist and continually fails. Alas, not only is he responsible, but Charlie is in love with his competitor Elaine. The other is a young Chinese student who is obsessed with erotic poetry. Needless to say, his poems are not only ridiculous, they are so over the top as to be convincing. The laughs throughout all of these scenes and scenarios are not cheap in your face sitcom style episodes. Instead, they are fantastically crafted diversions that force laughter even if it was not intended to be forthcoming.

     While battling the tenure committee chock full of clumsy and what planet are you from professors, Charlie discovers so much about himself, his father who is ailing from a touch of Alzheimer’s disease, his feelings for Elaine, the extent to which he will go to maintain a friendship, and the quality of his character. Tenure is one of the best straight to DVD movies I have ever seen and now I need to ramble for a moment about why I am biased and you should probably not trust my judgment on this.

     I taught for seven years of my life. This includes one year as a high school teacher, one year as a middle school teacher and five years as a professor. I based my life around teaching and becoming tenured. I came close twice. Ultimately I bowed out of the cheese sandwich industry (had to throw in a Freddy Got Fingered joke), the teaching business on account of the paychecks causing me to near starvation. I miss teaching like the desert misses rain, I miss it every day early and often. It made my life bearable and gave me the privilege of helping others pursue their dreams, learn life skills, and allowed me to force minds to be open to new perspectives. I taught hundreds of students to work harder and to think critically. Sure, I had my fair share of hecklers, slutty young women who relentlessly pursued me, colleagues who did not know shit from apple butter and whose whole goal in life was to spread liberal politics no matter what the cost, but that comes with the territory. An open minded professor might as well live on a deserted island next to the faculty lounge. Luke Wilson’s character teaches like I used to and for that alone I love this movie. I cannot guarantee you will enjoy it but Tenure is off the beaten path and like Robert Frost would say, "that has made all the difference".