Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Stieg Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a screen adaptation of the bestselling novel written by Swedish journalist turned novelist Stieg Larsson. Larsson died in November of 2004 leaving a trilogy of novels, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (originally titled Men Who Hate Women) being the first of the series. This is the closest to a modern day Sherlock Holmes to appear in almost a century. It is the kind of novel one expects from a true literary titan and the type of movie everyone expected Shutter Island to be. If you are looking for a film with mystery and intrigue without the employment of Hollywood parlor tricks, you must watch this picture.

     Mid forties Swedish journalist Mikael Blomkvist is a featured writer for the newsmagazine Millenium, a publication based out of Stockholm. Normally famous for his ability to uncover criminal activity among millionaire industrialists, Blomkvist finds himself in the midst of a libel suit as the film begins. Apparently he has accused Hans-Erik Wennerström of financial crimes spanning the globe. When Blomkvist published his story, Wennerström sued him for libel and curiously all of the sources and documents that implicated the industrialist simply disappeared. The journalist was sentenced to a shot prison term but would enjoy a stay of incarceration until the appeals process would either run its course or be ignored or denied altogether. In the meantime, Blomkvist is contacted by his former associates from the Vanger family. Henrik Vanger, former CEO of Vanger (industries) has been searching for answers for forty years. His grandchildren used to babysit for Blomkvist and as a result of the journalist’s reputation for being a crime-solver extraordinaire, in the interim before his sentence takes effect he becomes the latest "detective" to take the case of the missing granddaughter. Henrik’s brother’s granddaughter vanished forty years ago and there has never been any evidence confirming her whereabouts. Mysteriously, every year on his birthday, Henrik receives flowers sent from a different location in the world.

     Blomkvist is paid handsomely for his services, and considering the damages owed to Wennerström for losing the libel case, he can ill afford to pass on this opportunity. Moreover, as a little boy the missing girl of forty years, Harriet Vanger had been his babysitter for a time. Their age old association, however infrequent, convinces Henrik of the trustworthiness of our journalist. In doing a background check on the investigative writer, we are introduced to the girl with the dragon tattoo, Lisbeth Salander. Lisbeth is a former arsonist/murderer who could not tolerate the abuse her father doled out to her mother. This leads to a tragedy that has since defined her life, character and it influences her decisions. She is a computer hacker who backs the Mac, the iMac that is. She can do more with an Apple computer than most FBI agents can with a PC. To make matters more interesting she is a bisexual lesbian with commitment issues and a body that screams sexuality. Unfortunately, Lisbeth and Mikael do not meet until the movie is nearly halfway through. She is involved in a separate drama; all the while she is investigating him for the Vanger family and easily hacks into his computer to help solve the forty year old vanishing girl mystery.

     Lisbeth is out on parole under the custody of yet another new "guardian". This new custodian is unfortunately sexually abusive. He coerces his patients into performing fellatio against their will in return for financial favors. He tries this on Lisbeth and is at first successful because her computer is broken and she requires a new one to maintain her livelihood. He demands oral sex or he will tell the judge she should be imprisoned indefinitely. Lisbeth is clever but too trusting. She sneaks a camera into her bag in order catch him in the act at his own home, but she is violently raped in a nail-biting scene of harrowing male-on female violence. In revenge she ties him up and shows him the video tape of his rapist actions that will go out to the police. To add insult to injury, she kicks (literally) a giant unlubricated dildo into his sphincter at full force. He deserves this and more, and what more you must see to believe.

     At this point Lisbeth and Mikael become acquainted and it could not have come any sooner. He had hit a major stumbling block in his investigation. He may have been the best in his field but ironically this 40 year old case required modern technology and a computer expert to help crack it wide open. As the investigation precedes several family members look suspicious. Three of them were devoted Third Reich followers. It is revealed that the numbers Mikael has found associated with the victims (Harriet is suspected to be one among the murdered) are bible verses and not telephone numbers as previously suspected. The biblical passages reveal the motivation for killing in very specific ways. The only friendly family member who cooperates is Martin Vanger, brother of Harriet. Martin’s father drowned in a boating accident near the time Harriet vanished. Further complicating the mystery is Cecilia Vanger, Henrik’s niece who wears the amulet Harriet was last seen with the last day anyone ever saw her.

     As the investigation continues, Lisbeth and Mikael slowly develop a romantic connection. Their sex scenes are erotic and emotionally gripping. So much is suggested under the surface but so little is revealed about their past struggles. In many ways, the growth of their feelings is what catalyzes the investigation to make headway. Her tattoos are like works of fine art. The dragon tattoo is sort of like a modern Sistine Chapel painting on a human back, only with a Dungeons and Dragons twist. In the middle of all the action, Henrik has a heart attack. This leads the rest of the family to do their best to remove Mikael from their midst. This only makes him more suspicious and rightfully so.     

     The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is 2 hours and 32 minutes long. Recounting every detail would be like serving as a surrogate novelist for Stieg Larsson. As a movie reviewer I can only hope to have whetted your appetite for watching this picture. It is nothing like anything you have seen before and will leave you breathless. It is a rare type of movie. It is like a techno-thriller with minimal technology, like a love story with mostly brutal sexual assault and ribald sex, like a detective story but without the police. This is a novel come to life and visualized to the finest of details. There is so much to take in, but after having watched this picture I feel like there is a giant chasm between the movie reviewer before he pressed play and the indelibly changed reviewer afterward. This is a special movie, worth your time, your attention and your reading glasses (it is a Swedish film that has English Subtitles). Enjoy it and be moved.

 

 

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