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Blue Valentine and Rabbit Hole

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

Blue Valentine and Rabbit Hole have a great deal in common. The most striking similarity is their soporific effect. They are both capable of putting you to sleep in record time. What’s more, both films are star heavy, yet their storylines both seem weightless to everyone that is unconnected with the Academy. Both are contenders for several major awards, yet neither deserve any. It is a sad state of affairs (not Jesse James type affairs, I mean serious business) when Ryan Gosling, and Michelle Williams are misused, and when Aaron Eckhart and Nicole Kidman are told to make pinot noir out of prune juice.Those of you looking for consolation may take heart that there is so much variety at cineplexes this January that you will not be reduced to watching Oy Vey My Son is Gay!

Blue Valentine is billed as a film covering a “contemporary” married couple over a period of time. Their marriage is troubled. Dean (Gosling) is heavily balding, loves smoking, and wears the ugliest glasses since the invention of bifocals. His wife Cindy (Williams) wears the pants in the family. She works full-time and supports both Dean and their little girl Frankie (Faith Wladyka). Dean is irresponsible. He leaves their gate open and their dog escapes to his death. He is quick to blame his wife regardless of how obvious his own negligence seems. The film completely lost me when Dean jackhammered Cindy into oblivion. I have always thought of Gosling as oddly handsome, and of Williams as a truly underrated beauty. Director/writer Derek Cianfrance crafted a dramatic script and then failed to properly translate it to the big screen. Nobody wants to see Gosling as a bifocaled, bald piece of trailer trash. Williams’ fans do not want to see her ass in broad daylight being humped by a hideous looking bum. Cianfrance has hurt both of their careers. Gosling has been a major player on the independent scene for years. In my opinion, this is his first colossal bust. I would rather watch him personify or reanimate a manikin (Lars and the Real Girl) than strut around in a tank top in a trailer park. I cannot overcome my disgust over waisting Williams’ sexuality and talent in this stinker. I like Titanic II better, and you know how that ended! Loose lips sink ships.

Rabbit Hole is billed as a serious marital drama. Based on a play turned screenplay by David Lindsay-Abaire, Rabbit Hole stars Aaron Eckhart (Howie) and Nicole Kidman (Becca). Howie and Becca have lost their child. His absence from their lives fills them with unbearable grief. Unable to cope with their loss, the distraught couple seeks out group counseling in an effort to help them grieve, even if only palliatively. Rather than finding the solace they desperately need as a couple, Howie and Becca find it separately as they both indulge in extra-marital affairs. Howie puts the “Oh” back into Sandra Oh (playing Gaby, whose lips do the talking) who is also a grieving mother. Becca makes a revolting choice. She begins a torrid affair with the driver of the car that killed her son Danny. Jason (Miles Teller) is an aspiring comic book artist, not to mention a helluva manslaughterer. Again, the vulgarity of the premise, and the director’s decision to tone down Eckhart’s enthusiasm and dynamism for much of the film, has caused me to turn my other cheek (not the facial one).

Rabbit Hole and Blue Valentine are lackluster films that aspire to be great, but fail terribly in their attempts. Great actors should stop searching for that one career defining film. Instead they should consider acting in a variety of films to hone their craft and to give them greater exposure. Will anyone dare to challenge my assertion that Eckhart and Gosling choose films solely based on their desire to win major awards? What “normal” roles have they played that moviegoers can relate to? In all seriousness, any director that wastes the feral sexuality of the astonishingly talented Michelle Williams is a complete boob, no pun intended.