Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Disney's The Secretariat

The Secretariat is a Disney movie through and through. When diagnosing the quality of a Disney movie, certain criteria apply. First and foremost, Disney movies possess a certain sense of integrity and decency. Second, they usually involve a family dynamic vis a vis promulgating the imaginativeness of children. Thirdly, and arguably most importantly, there is usually a happy ending. I apologize if I have just spoiled The Secretariat, but even realizing Disney films are formulaic at heart, there is still so much to enjoy here. The star of the show, Diane Lane, has a gift for making the ordinary seem extraordinary.

     Penny Chenery Tweedy (Lane) is a loving wife and a mother of four beautiful children. Her husband Jack (Dylan Walsh) is a successful accountant. Unfortunately, he is somewhat of a genderizer. It is his belief that a woman’s place is at home as the centerpiece of a family. Their sense of contentment with the way things are changes when Penny receives a call about her father’s precarious health condition. She immediately flies to her father’s estate to put his affairs in order. When Penny sees her father, Chris Chenery (Scott Glenn), he is almost completely senile. Out of a sense of decency and morality she fights with her brother Hollis (Dylan Baker) to ensure their father will be taken care of in his own house. She refuses to relocate Chris to a nursing home despite his infirmity. This is a common argument among families of all shapes and sizes. Women tend to sympathize with their parents regardless of the facts their conditions present.

     Chris Chenery’s affairs are in disorder. The Chenery family is famous for their horse breeding and horseracing operation. Unfortunately, at present (the story begins in 1969) they maintain only a few legitimately race-worthy horses and the farm has been largely neglected. When Penny steps in to intervene and to set things right, she begins a transformative journey. The once familial-oriented housewife and mother suddenly regains her moxie. Helping her father in his unfortunate condition represents the opportunity for Penny to regain a sense of purpose, something she lost when she chose marriage and motherhood over a career.

    Choosing to assist her father and to upgrade the family farm, Penny subjects her family to a great deal of consternation. She travels so often that she often misses their special events. Penny is unflinching in her desire to be with her family and to maintain her new identity. Penny’s first action as farm master is to fire their old trainer for negligence and for conspiracy to commit fraud. He sought to sell their best horses to his other employer at half price. He very nearly succeeded since Chris did not know the difference. This puts her in an awkward position. Penny must choose a new trainer immediately. This coincides with her father’s annual coin toss. Every year Chris and his friend Ogden Phipps (James Cromwell) flip a coin to determine who will get to choose the best offspring of their horses. Penny steps in on her father’s behalf and manages to win by loosing. Thinking outside of the box, Penny trusts in the “lesser” of the two offspring, a decision for which she is richly rewarded.

     Being her first serious foray into horse breeding, racing, and caretaking, Penny relies on her new and eccentric trainer’s, Lucien Laurin (John Malkovich), judgment. Lucien loves to peacock, or dress in an inflammatory manner to attract attention. Fearing his golf game will never earn millions, he succumbs to Penny’s imploring. From day one of Red’s (their baby horse) birth he is unwavering in his attention to duty.

     Red is a beautiful horse in every respect. True to form, he will not respond to just any jockey. This forces a brief carousel of jockeys so the horse and his proper jockey can live in harmony. The struggles of jockeys are portrayed magnificently in this film. From the dirt flying at their faces, to their sympathy for their horses, to their broken bones, all of their travails are catalogued. During his second race, Red, now nicknamed “Secretariat” for official racing purposes, proves he is a winner, and a lightning fast stallion. Once finished conquering the local scene in dramatic fashion, Penny and Lucien and the gang must prepare him for the Kentucky Derby and beyond. They dream of making Secretariat a Triple Crown winner. The Triple Crown consists of a horse winning at the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs in Kentucky, at Preakness Stakes at Pimlico in Maryland, and at Belmont Stakes at Belmont Park in New York. Winning all three is comparable to Tiger Woods winning The Masters, the PGA Championship and the British Open all in one season.

     I want the horseracing and the outcomes to remain a mystery to readers that have not yet watched the film. Why ruin the incredible suspense? At every moment I wondered if Secretariat would win big or fall to the ground suffering a broken leg. Frankly, you need to watch to find out! Perhaps the most fascinating aspects of this film, for me, involve Penny’s growth as a woman, as a person, and as a matriarch. Facing a massive estate tax burden, a serious rivalry with her brother, and the disapproval of her husband, Penny finds a way to make her wildest dreams come true in honor of her father, and to make her marriage work despite the self-imposed obstacles. The family dynamic is what makes The Secretariat so Disney, and so good.

     The Secretariat is a true story written by Mike Rich and William Nack. Directed by the eminent Randall Wallace, the film adaptation is brilliant. I tried for hours to conceive of ways to compare it to Seabiscuit but there really are few parallels to draw on other than the common denominator, horses! Diane Lane is a master of her craft and a heartwarming entertainer. Pardon my gushing, as I was not immediately drawn in, but by the film’s end I was thoroughly excited, impresses, and surprised. Watch, rent, or own The Secretariat with confidence. It is an excellent movie.

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