Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest (Luftslottet som sprängdes)

Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace are back for the final installment of the Larsson/Millennium Trilogy. Stieg  Larsson’s thrill-packed novels have come across so well on screen that even Michael Crichton would feel pangs of jealousy. His trilogy is about the mistreatment of women and their capacity to lawfully vindicate themselves through their intelligence, craftiness and the power of their minds. After I finished reading The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest I felt profoundly sad. Had the author lived he could have written more than a dozen novels starring Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist and I would have eagerly read every one of them. The characters invented by Larsson are so vivid and courageous and magnificently complicated that readers around the world salivated during the hiatus between the releases of the sequels. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest is the movie among the three that least adheres to the storyline of the Millennium books but somehow it delivers a tour de force film that is nothing short of spellbinding and mesmerizing.    

     Our story (the film’s plotline) begins with Lisbeth confined to a hospital bed after being shot three times including a bullet being embedded in her skull. Her dashing doctor Jonasson (Aksel Morisse) removes the bullet from nearby her brain tissue and bandages her skull for bed rest. Though admittedly not a first rate heart surgeon (the visiting surgeon showed up intoxicated and offered only minor instructions), Johansson executed the bullet removal procedure perfectly. Lisbeth, over a period of weeks, demonstrates no sign of brain damage and she is able after a period to begin calisthenics to retrain her body. Unfortunately, she is at first not alone in the hospital as her sinister political turncoat/defector father (Zalachenko) has survived. This causes the Zalachenko group (full of SIS agents, diabolical guardians, and gangster-esque secret operatives) to scramble for a solution to their ultimate problem; the possibility that the media would report on their nefarious activities and destroy Sweden’s reputation in the international community.

     While Mikael begins preparing Salander’s story, and she remains in the hospital recovering, a whirlwind of action occurs. His sister decides to represent Salander, offering him access to his former lover in dramatic yet deliberately removed style. At all times Lisbeth’s life is placed in jeopardy as her enemies swarm toward her. Dr. Peter Teleborian conspires to have her re-admitted to his psychiatric facility to torture her physically and psychologically. The police begin investigating the truth behind the Zalachenko group’s conspiracies. Another group of government officials is formed and they work hand-in-hand with Mikke. Meanwhile, Niedermann goes on a murderous spree hell-bent on taking revenge on his half-sister for what are wickedly sociopathic reasons. Rather than spoil everything, I will suggest you read the entire trilogy. If not, at least enjoy the movies before they will be tarnished at the avaristic hands of Hollywood executives.

     While as a standard I disapprove of films adaptations deviating from the novels they are supposed to be based on, I understand why the producers, writers and directors have gone in this direction with Hornet’s Nest. To be kind would be to say the first half of Larsson’s last novel is exciting and exudes the essence of action. It is not. The first half of Hornet’s Nest reads like an encyclopedic version of an international spy thriller rather than like an espionage thriller itself. The author sort of hit the reset button to acquaint readers with the history of all things Zalachenko and the Swedish secret service. In doing so the storyline becomes difficult to trudge through and all plot points seem convoluted. Fortunately, near the halfway mark we are treated to an abrupt transition, a la screeching tires, as events unfold quickly and at a fever pitch. This is precisely the reason why portions of the original story have been modified or excluded. For instance, Erika Berger’s character left Millennium to work as the editor-in-chief for a much large publication in the novel. This leads to her being seriously harassed and her life being threatened by a deranged co-worker. In addition, she and Blomkvist have a serious estrangement over his burgeoning love affair with Inspector Figuerola (Mirja Turestedt). Neither of these two major storyline developments is acknowledged in the movie. Instead, more emphasis is placed on the heroic journalist’s desire to set Lisbeth free as a token of appreciation for having saved his life. Even her influential mentor Holger Palmgren is ignored. Nevertheless, all of the changes (many of which I am excluding as well) work perfectly. I am sure that many readers prefer to have Blomkvist rekindle some sort of a romantic relationship with Lisbeth rather than with a new lover that did not take center stage in the first two films or novels.

     Portions of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest once again left me momentarily breathless. The infamous machine gun scene is orchestrated exceptionally well. Rapace’s character remains true to her core by dressing in a full gothic attire in the courtroom and by maintaining her silence until absolutely necessary. The correct application of her rape video serves as a crucial instrument of justice instead of a reminder of her grief and the sadistic cruelty of hateful chauvinists. Lisbeth’s revenge on Ronald Niedermann is also handled faultlessly. The suspense will kill many viewers. Even having read the books I feared for her life many times. Exclusions aside, I will miss the Millennium Trilogy, both the novels and the movies. The fact that American remakes will be made of these pictures is a testament to Hollywood’s insistence to make a cheap dollar off the brilliant work of others and in a way to the greatness of what Rapace, Nyqvist and company have accomplished. There is not a single dull moment and I predict nobody will leave the theater disappointed. Girl power, long live superwoman!

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