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$	55.6M	Marvel's The Avengers
$	25.5M	Battleship
$	17.4M	The Dictator
$	12.5M	Dark Shadows
$	10.5M	What to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can.

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

The Client List

Written by Jonathan Jacobs

After giving up on Let Me In, only on account of it being the lamest movie since Beaches, I turned to my old flame, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Finding myself in need of rescue I believed that the former “Party of Five” and Can’t Hardly Wait starlet would find a way to resurrect her career and knock my socks off all in one deft swoop. The Client List is a film that is “inspired” by a true story. As I wrote in my review of The Rite, when a film is inspired by a true story, it is not the same thing as being “based” on a true story. The wording opens up the doorway for a director to take broad stroke creative liberties. The end result is a nearly fictitious portrayal of real events that bear little if any resemblance to the truth. The Client List is a film about a married woman turning into a harlot to save her family from bankruptcy. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, but few are as demure as Hewitt wearing lingerie.

Samantha Horton (Hewitt) is a loving mother of three and a devoted wife. Rather than pursuing a college degree or chasing her dream to be a Miss America contestant, Samantha chose to marry her high school crush, Rex Horton (Teddy Sears). She invested her highest of hopes in Rex. At the time of their betrothal (almost rhymes with brothel!), Rex had a promising football career ahead of him. When Rex blew out his knee playing ball, it became the same old story, different day. Rather than recovering, he became a ne’er do well and a failure. Several years later, Rex and Samantha are both unemployed, and their home is almost in foreclosure. Supporting three children and paying a mortgage is difficult enough without being mutually unemployed. Samantha does what any self-respecting woman would do in a situation like this, she becomes a hooker!

Although her first time proves to be a trying experience, Mrs. Horton seems to adapt quite well to her circumstances. She services local police officers, parishioners, priests, husbands, fatties, blimps, freaks, dweebs, and the list goes on. Sam manages to become the most popular hooker in the entire Health Spa! Apparently, and I am extrapolating from one of her coworkers’ assessments, Sam never seems to run out of holes or places to put it (“it” being every man’s cock and balls). Meanwhile, Mr. Horton is unaware that his beautiful bride and presumed soulmate is secretly fornicating with hundreds of men, many of whom are his friends and acquaintances. Her secret is revealed when a local church conglomerate reaches to the highest law in the land, the Mayor’s office.

Being up for reelection on a campaign promise to “clean up the streets”, or health spas, or health spas (I wrote it twice for comedic effect, it is not an error), the Mayor raids Samantha’s Health Spa. Her identity and nefarious actions are revealed on television. Her debauchery becomes a nationwide scandal. Just when Rex thought his hunny bunny loved him more than ever, he is confronted with the sad truth that she loves long time, just with multiple lucky ducks.

The remainder of the film is about Samantha’s brief stint in the big house (prison people, stay with me!), and her relentless attempts to rekindle the old spark with her husband. I cannot imagine what would prevent him from getting back together with her…other than the herpes…other than the herpes. Imagine how embarrassed a man would feel. Once a conquering hero as a football prospect, Rex suffered extensive knee damage and was forced to settle for a regular life with a wife and three children. Rather than allowing that sad state of affairs to impact his attitude and outlook, he still had the love of his life to come home to and cherish. One day, while watching television with friends, he had to find out his wife was a local prostitute. How revolting and humiliating that must have been.

Aside from being an overall lackluster and nauseating film, The Client List contains absolutely no nudity. I beg my readers to make a compelling argument why any man would watch this film knowing that Jennifer Love Hewitt does not appear naked at any point. It is impossible to do. In the absence of her nudity, this film crashes and burns. My second biggest complaint is The Client List takes place in Texas and not one actor or actress has a hint of a Texas accent. Imagine that! Score one for the casting director, bravo. If you are feeling inebriated or intoxicated and have too much time on your hands, please watch this film. Otherwise, pretend as though you have never heard of it and let it go my friends.