Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Midnight in Paris

Woody Allen's protagonists are often narcisstic, paranoid, neurotic, but most importantly, they are downright lovable. Only Woody Allen can create vivid fictional characters that are loathsome to their lovers and utterly appealing to audiences. I cannot think of a more perfect cadre of characters than the demure Rachel McAdams, her soon to be husband Michael Sheen, the shining French starlet Marion Cotillard, and my guilty favorite Owen Wilson. Midnight in Paris is Allen's overarching statement on the futility of looking beyond one's time either toward the past or into the future as thought either one will offer a better life and a more satisfying experience. Despite the inadequacy of life, it is meant to be lived and in the now. In order to illustrate this commonplace absurdity of wishing one could live in another epoch, "La Belle Époque" to be more specific, Allen has taken a "perplexing" modern author and transplanted him into the roaring twenties in Paris, and into the 1890s and back again into the present. What a whirlwind of a journey.

It must be nice to hobnob with the likes of Pablo Picasso, Earnest Hemingway, Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald, Man Ray, Salvador Dali, Henri Matisse and others. Gil Pender's (Owen Wilson) crumbling engagement to Inez (Rachel McAdams) inadvertently generates this opportunity of a lifetime. They are Americans vacationing in Paris to satisfy her hyper-sensisitve and verbally abusive parents (demeaning only to Gil of course). When the cameras begin rolling, Allen takes viewers on a lovely tour of Paris. He seems to have an uber-fascination with la tour Eiffel, I could not help but think this is a silent jab at American tourists that see only the immediate glitz and glamour while ignoring the history and substance of Paris. When we finally get to Gil and Inez it is obvious she feels nothing but contempt for her fiancé, and he is uninspired to break off the engagement. This is where Allen's unique talent at creating conflict (an eternal trouble in paradise mentality) comes in handy.

Gil must not only suffer the future in-laws and their abuse, he also has to contain his desire to retaliate against Inez's former professor buzzing around their vacation like a hungry vulture (or sexual predator, call him what you will metaphorically). Professor Paul Bates (a.k.a. Michael Sheen, the lucky soon to be husband of McAdams) and his girlfriend are visiting Paris as well. Apparently the professor (labeled pedantic in a pejorative sense) has been commissioned to deliver a lecture at le Sorbonne. This sort of notoriety charms the pants of Inez because she is easily duped and has no moral scruples. While she is off gallavanting with the professing prick, Gil wanders the streets of Paris (a man after my own heart) to ponder on his flailing novel. He has courageously made the transition from Hollywood screenwriter to professional novelist, or so he hopes. His novel needs more than tinkering, it needs inspiration. Unfortunately, Gil is reluctant to allow anyone to critique his story, and so begins the heart of Allen's story.

Gil is written into the history books as it were. At midnight upon the sounding of the Parisian bells he is carted off from secluded alleyway steps in a brilliant 1920s automobile. First he meets F. Scott Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston) and his mentally unstable yet genius wife Zelda (Alison Pill). Through them he is introduced to Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll), and so on and so forth. It is Hemingway's famed editor Gertrude Stein (played by Cathy Bates) that inspires Gil to ameliorate his novel. Teemed with his interactions with the greatest American authors and artists of the twentieth century, Gil is able to begin deconstructing and then reconstructing his novel. Before I cease recapping, Gil also manages to fall in love with two women, one from what he originally envisioned as the golden age of history, the 20s, and one from the present who shares his worldviews. When in Hemingway's era, he becomes exhilirated by Adriana (Marion Cotillard, recently seen alongside Leo DiCaprio in Inception). Together they explore the trivialities of daily existence and dance the night away like old-time lovebirds.

Woody Allen's mind never seems to stop churning out buttermilk pancakes with mounds of butter and syrup. Is there are other film director/writer/sometimes actor with as much creativity and knoweldge of literature, film history and the human condition than Woody Allen? I think not friends. Midnight in Paris does something astounding. It makes Owen Wilson less comical and more vivid, and it turns the devourous Rachel McAdams into a loathsome immoral twit. Only in Allen's twisted world of drama could this happen. I recommend this masterpiece to anyone with a taste for literature or more particularly to those in my Jewish family who are curmudegeonly (you know who you are!). This film is worth every penny, and perhaps even more for your thoughts.

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