| $ | 55.6M | Marvel's The Avengers |
| $ | 25.5M | Battleship |
| $ | 17.4M | The Dictator |
| $ | 12.5M | Dark Shadows |
| $ | 10.5M | What to Expect When You're Expecting |
| As of May 21, 2012 | ||
An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can.
A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.
Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!
Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?
J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.
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Oceans is the second of Disney’s beautiful series of wildlife/terrestrial-centric films. The cinematography is so resplendent one wonders why National Geographic bothers retaining photographers rather than hiring film makers. Even the color filters used to create the Disney image for the introduction is crystal clear and like a rainbow of dreams. Prepare yourself for dolphin triple lutzes, territorial struggles, feeding frenzies, and the learning experience of a lifetime.
The ocean is presented as a work of art. It contains 97% of the planet’s water supply (one of several helpful facts offered alongside the narration). “To really know the ocean, you have to live it.” The Galapagos Islands offer a vision of the evolution of the iguana. The narrators point out it is symbolic of adaptation that became necessitated during ever shifting oceanic conditions. The ocean can sustain life fathoms deep in the most frigid conditions imaginable. Horseshoe crabs in the presence of bacteria form gel-like protective blood barriers to prevent infection. Bacteria trigger this survival mechanism. Pharmaceutical companies utilize this for testing medications. While we have discovered new galaxies in space, the makers of Oceans are more intrigued by the “galaxies” in our oceans. “The larvae of a sea urchin is like an asteroid” is a brilliant analogy offered by the directors. The cameramen were instructed to shoot “expressive footage” of the oceans. Apparently, every ocean contains jelly fish. The images of California jellyfish remind me of the monstrous aliens from H.G. Wells’ A War of the Worlds. When jellyfish expand they look like nuclear detonations. The magnified images are a sight to behold.
The directors suggest they sought to deliver a whirlwind of emotions: tenderness, fear, love, etc. They suggest this nature film resembles an action movie. Even the effervescing water droplets are stunning. The cameramen have captured sea life unlike anything I have ever seen. Species that reproduce hastily are often found at the bottom of the food chain. Mobula rays possess such agility they are like the ballerinas of our oceans. The blanket octopus looks like satin rouge “rippling” like “silk scarves”. The narrators are quick to point out the impact of climate change and human pollution on ocean life. The film of the fish no matter how copious their population or grouping allows us to focus on thousands or one individual fish with maximum resolution. Fish swirling can resemble a tornado.
Sea lions love the sun on pristine beaches whereas seals prefer the cold. Apparently they found Moby Dick, or a reasonable replica! Imagine how Herman Melville would feel, or Jules Verne for that matter, viewing this masterpiece under the sea. Humpback whales move so gracefully they do not disturb the sand beneath their massive bodies, they truly look like they belong in the ocean. This is a prime example of how the film crew presents us with the journey of a species in its natural beauty and essence. The whale exerts such a force during its jump, it splashes in such a way as to look like a king of the ocean. Light filters through to the humpback making their skin look like it is scaled with gemstones. The nurturing of babies is shown as well.
The crabs and miniature yellow-tailed fish shown are exemplary of how modern technology can bring us to previous uncharted territories. The coral reefs house sea urchins that resemble pineapples blended with porcupines! A conch is shown peering around to determine its safety. Fish also select hiding places. Other fish possess suction cups to maintain their stability. The narrators are quick to mention they have applied no underwater light. We are able to watch fish as they behave under moonlight, completely naturally, in the ocean’s natural state. One lobster’s eyes look like those of Cookie Monster. Mantis shrimp seem to have screened buttons for eyes. The sounds of a lobster in combat with a crab were recorded. I fought the lobster and the lobster won! Stabilizing the cameras to film all of these scenes must have taken unbelievable expertise and preparation.
Whales hunt together. Observing their groups can be inimical for documentarians. Many consume herring while singing to frighten their pray. They feed together and form “miniature islands” as they conglomerate. The Antarctic seal reigns supreme. Penguins moving through fissures in the glacial ice are eye-popping. These are “flightless birds”. They are no less graceful than airborne birds. Even the Coca Cola polar bear makes a cameo. For my money, narwhales are the stuff of fairy tales, or the “unicorns of the sea”. Their vocalizations are fascinating. Underneath it all is a “fierce struggle for survival”. Evolution and survival are not always kind.
Oceans is simply extraordinary. Ocean life is just as sophisticated and probably is more nuanced and intricate than human life is here on the surface. Oceans aspires to offer something never before see on film and it does so with grace and master storytelling. Even the waves look like exploding glaciers. Many species presented were land dwelling before moving back to the oceans. The divers look so natural in oceanic forests! Sea turtles while eating make quite a mess in dispersing the sand. Fish travel together, apart, work in tandem, and they all share in a biodiverse environment that is necessary for their survival and continued evolution. Turtles are shown being born when they climb to the water in their full vulnerability. Many are eaten by frigate birds. Predators look for them as easy prey. Nothing is hidden, everything is shown as is. Even turtle sex is shown, teenage mutant ninja porn stars, penis in a half shell! Cleaner shrimp cleanse the reefs. They narrators call it a car wash! Overall there is something about Oceans that will entertain anyone and everyone. Our shared planetary history may prove far more revealing than we have previously thought. Disney has outdone itself.
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