Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

Tales from Earthsea

Tales from Earthsea is a contemporary classic that belongs in each and every one of your video libraries. Growing up I fancied two children’s/animated films above all others. I prized The Last Unicorn and The Secret of N.I.M.H. Both of these films continue to hold a place in my heart and always will. For those of you that are parents, nostalgic, or are young children, I encourage you to delight in Tales from Earthsea so that it may find a place in your mind, and in your video collection. It is an epic tale of magic, might, and philosophy.

From Director Goro Miyazaki comes the animated feature film Tales from Earthsea. This production is based on Ursula Le Guin’s fourth episode in her fantasy book series identically entitled “Tales from Earthsea” (In chronological order, A Wizard of Earthsea, The Tombs of Atuan, The Farthest Shore, Tehanu, Tales from Earthsea, The Other Wind, and The Earthsea Quartet). As though this film were not already miraculous enough, the startling picturesque animation is hand-drawn. The backdrop for each scene could easily be welcomed into a museum of art anywhere in the world as a master work of great beauty. The new release of Tales from Earthsea on DVD includes bonus features introducing the studio, the background of the novels, and a trivia challenge.

As our legendary tale begins Arren (Matt Levin) is defying his father. Arren stabs his father, pilfers his sword (sort of like Excalibur) and escapes the kingdom to wander around the dangerous lands of Earthsea. As will happen throughout the story, the brave young man is pursued by danger, this time in the form of a ravenous wolfpack. Ready to pounce, the wolves are dissuaded and dispersed by a wizard known throughout the desolate lands as Sparrowhawk, the Archmage (Timothy Dalton). Sparrowhawk is a powerful wizard that wanders Earthsea to protect its endangered people (not unlike the characters Merlin and Gandalf from comparable epic tales). It is the Archmage that counsels and mentors the confused boy. Arren follows his new protector and discovers the world is crumbling. The essence of Earthsea is imbalanced and there is some evil creeping into the hearts and minds of its people. Slave trading is not uncommon, bazaar shopkeepers are criminalists, and people are morbid about the future. Arren is taken into slavery after protecting a young woman in distress from the maligned slave master Hare (Cheech Marin).

Eventually, Sparrowhawk leads Arren to freedom into one of the only peaceful refuges left in the world. The lovely Tenar (Mariska Hargitay) is an old friend of the Archmage’s. She provides great comfort and respite for both journeymen. Tenar makes several requests of the strapping men. First, they must help with plowing the barren crop fields. They must also look after her adopted daughter Theru. As fortune would have it, Theru is the young girl he saved from capture into slavery. For some reason she is reluctant to socialize with Arren. This brings viewers back to the original premise of darkness and light. Dragons have returned to Earthsea signifying the land’s decline into debauchery and malaise. Theru is connected to these magical creatures as evidenced by her rosy facial discoloration. Finally, Tenar requests that Sparrowhawk remain with her as a family but he explains he must wander and prevent the land from falling into despair.

Sparrowhawk’s departure welcomes the second half of Tales from Earthsea and along with it, an expatiation of what is happening to the world and its people. The Archmage ventures to Lord Cob’s (Willem Dafoe) stronghold to discuss critical matters. Lord Cob is a dastardly evil wizard who clings to life at any price. Once inside the confines of Cob’s castle, the Archmage is disempowered. Cob also is the master of Hare and is responsible for consigning the defenseless into bondage. The dark wizard believes that only Sparrowhawk’s magic can unseat him from power and defeat his quest. Cob’s only desire is to be immortal. His efforts to corrupt the cycle of life for his own benefit have caused all of Earthsea to suffer. As aforesaid crop fields are infertile, crime is rampant, and the people that remain live in terror. The Archmage is captured and the only hope for the future of Earthsea is for Arren to utilize his father’s powerful sword to unseat Lord Cob. It is Arren’s fortitude to near a divided soul teamed with Theru’s courage that will restore the balance of Earthsea.

I understand this plot summation is a lot to digest. It proved even more challenging to transcribe from my brain to MS Word. The story is more complex and rich than any one pundit’s review can elucidate. What is important is for me to emphasize how dear this film will be to your whole family. Tales from Earthsea is an exciting film that is intelligent and rich in meaning. For those of you that have trouble finding decent animated films on account of the “idiofication” of movies for the general public, trust in this gem. It sparkles, it shines, and it is worth every penny.

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