Box Office Numbers

$55.6MMarvel's The Avengers
$25.5MBattleship
$17.4MThe Dictator
$12.5MDark Shadows
$10.5MWhat to Expect When You're Expecting
As of May 21, 2012

Hollywood Gossip, Tidbits, and News

An office worker has been fired for her whistle, distracting nice boobs, figure and look at that...Maria Menounos gained 6 pounds on Dancing with the Has Beens. Kristen Stewart is number 15 on Maxim's 100 Hot List. I wonder how her acting ranks on the S*it List? These days Hugh Hefner spends more time in the kitchen than in the bedroom. John Mayer regrets dissing Jessica Simpson and Jen Aniston in interviews. We just regret John Mayer. Is Bar Rafaeli the hottest woman in the world? Dude, your girlfriend is the hottest woman in the world and don't you ever forget it! Justin Bieber is dating high school students? Man guys at that age are so impressionable. Kate Gosselin says she and Jon have made peace. Awww, that's special. Once their fame ran out they stopped cheating. That's really sweet. Why does Kelly Clarkson lose weight when she's only going to put it back on? Heidi Klum felt more special as a blond. Ah, the world's most profound questions answered as only a super model can. 

A man has broken the world record for fist pumping by pumping for 17 hours. My god what an achievement, but we are overlooking how raw his penis must be. The President of Yahoo has been forced to resign because he made an inflated claim on his resume. Meanwhile, in other news, Barak Obama ate dog. Robert Pattinson is 27 going on 17, good for you RSchmuck, I mean RPutz. Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer an item again? Is Jessica Simpson's body still a wonderland? Yes, it's just we are wondering why her territory doubled in size. Is Jay-Z acting like a wild bachelor on the prowl? With a name like Jay-Z I don't think any of us really care. Drake is romancing two cougars? Man, dude's a zookeeper. Does Casper Smart enjoy his five minutes of fame? Is that all he lasts for? Lightweight. Rihanna was recently hospitalized for too much partying. It's ok though, let's keep the focus on Lindsay Lohan, she's white after all. Christina Aguilera is quitting The Voice. John Travolta is not gay, he just like's dudes.   

Mariah and Nick renew their vows in Paris? I bet he showed her the Eiffel Tower. Truth be told, it might have been more like the leaning tower of Pisa. Gwyneth Paltrow has post partum depression. Me too, but it has been quite a while since I was in the womb. Kim K and Lindsay Lohan will attend the White House Correspondent's Dinner. I guess they wanted to see who has the best lines, and I'm not talking about comedy. Jessica Simpson has a baby shower? What is it like 2 feet tall and a tiny water head? Weirdo. Ellen DeGeneres is a Vegan? I thought she ate meat every night! Jenny McCarthy loves Botox. She loves silicon too. Richard Simmons has flammable shorts. Molly Ringwald drinks Kristen Stewart's blood. But alas it's not that time of the month yet. Want to see Taylor Lautner pics? Then go see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Lisa Rinna does advertisements for adult diapers. That's a coincidence because the first time I saw her naked I shit my pants!

Katy Perry dyes her hair purple. That's quite a change from the pink it was last week. Kelsey Grammar has proven you are never too old to get a tattoo or a Viagra prescription. Nicole Kidman does not mind being naked. Trust me when I tell you we don't mind either. Ashton Kutcher is having "intercourse" with Mila Kunis. One more time for those of you from Port Saint Lucie Florida, that's "intercourse". Who's is bigger Angelina's or Jennifer's? What are we talking about? Just ask Brad Pitt, he'll tell you! Seal has a new girlfriend and her name is whatshernameIdon'tcare. Will Pippa Middleton face arrest? Will switching to Progressive really give you better discounts? Taylor Armstrong is "so not ready to date yet". Wait, I don't speak moron, does that mean she wants to date or not? Bow Wow is no longer a wanted man but that doesn't answer the question who let the dogs out?

J-Lo bought Casper Smart a truck for his birthday. Hey, we already know where he likes to park it! Lamar Odom you are fired! Thanks for playing, next time leave the 500lb gorilla at home. Yeah, we are talking to you Kardashian. NBC's Rock Center has coverage more lopsided than Brian Williams' face. Miley Cyrus is not anorexic, she just eats lots of laxatives, get it? LOL? Ann Hathaway's hair is so short she looks like Jerry Seinfeld and there is nothing funny about that. Jennifer Hudson will appear at a murder trial. As a witness or as a defendant? Ah who keeps up with the Kardashians anyway. Khloe Kardashian says Lamar Odom deserved better from the Mavericks. Khloe, try running your fat ass up a basketball court and then you can talk. Is Lindsay Lohan guilty of assault? Only because she attacked my heart. Awwwww. Mila Kunis or Kate Upton? It depends, which one did Justin Timberlake already date? After being arrested for a DUI Amanda Bynes went back to her hotel bar. Maybe it's time she went back to acting because she sure plays a dumbass great in real life.

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Screen Spotlight Featured Reviews

HBO PPV: Mayweather V. Mosley

I learned many lessons from observing this over-hyped boxing bout this evening. The night began with frustration. I found out the hard way that it costs $20 per person to watch a boxing match at a theater. If this is the case what is the point of venturing anywhere but to where I ended up and happily so, Hooters!

     The first round can be described only as having been awkward. The fighters felt one another out and their scouting reports left us craving for more. In round 2 Mosley tattooed Mayweather with a lucky punch square on the chin. Looking wobbled, Floyd maintained his distance, held on for dear life and escaped with his legs intact. By the end of round 2 Mayweather had regained both his composure and overall edge and this never ceased to be the case through 12 anemic rounds. Mosley seemed outclassed, unbelievably slow and rather powerless all night. His loss was never seriously in doubt. Floyd hit him routinely and at his own pace with monstrous blows that sent spit, water, and Vaseline flying toward the bright lights overhead. His dissection of the much weaker, older and slower Mosley was nothing short of surgical.

     There are many types of fighters but only a few that count at the Welterweight level. The first is the ring general with great defense and a methodical style. This is the Miguel Cotto type (pre-Marguerito’s plastered hands). The second type is the Mayweather archetype that wallops opponents with straight, snappy, clean punches to the jaw. He will avoid counterpunches through evasive maneuvers and attempt to outbox, not outpunch his opponent. Mayweather is a master of this type of boxing. The third type is the crowd pleasing mega-puncher, we will call this the Pacquiao prototype. This boxer will punch from all angles relentlessly without tiring and can take a punch in the process to make his work effective. The problem with boxer #1 is he cannot score frequent knockouts and his lack of punching output make him a target for faster and more talented opponents. Boxer number 3 is exciting, makes waves, catches the crowd on fire and will likely devastate most opponents who stand toe to toe. Unfortunately for the Pacquiao standard boxer #2 is too evasive and is capable of landing haymakers without having to make the sacrifice necessary to do so from 99% of today’s boxers.

     As I expressed after the Martinez-Pavlik contest, the majority of boxing fans loathe the pretty boys who audition for Broadway in the middle of a fight. Crowds still crave for gladiators like "Iron" Mike Tyson who would swing away and box all night until a knockout would occur. Nobody wants to pay hundreds of dollars for tickets only to see less punching and more dancing. Boxers are already called the red-headed step-children of MMA fighters, why exacerbate the matter and further tarnish the sport’s reputation?

     In full disclosure, I adore Manny Pacquaio and would love nothing more than to bask in the glory of a gutsy win over Mayweather but I fear that will never happen. Mayweather has made a career out of avoiding punches and of delivering them as careful counterstrikes. While Manny would try to punch the daylights out of him and is unquestionably the tougher boxer, he would have to catch Floyd who would run away at every turn and would only throw one punch and then try to escape for dear life. The fight would be frustrating and would disappoint enthusiasts. Mayweather is about as entertaining as watching other people eat around you when you are on a diet. Tonight, in a boxing sense, Shane Mosley looked constipated. He kept trying to go but nothing ever came out.

     I learned one other interesting tidbit tonight. Much like in most professional sports (particularly hockey and basketball), the officiating always favors one fighter over the other. Mayweather elbowed Mosley, punched him while breaking from clinches, and would literally not shut his trash-talking mouth for one second for 12 rounds of virtual sparring. It would have been nice if either fighter has tried to knock the other out rather than doing nothing more than surviving long enough to go the distance. Both were completely worthless tonight but in his defense, Mayweather is younger, quicker, and plain better. The better man won, but I would be remiss if I didn’t emphatically state that Floyd Mayweather does one thing better than putting his opponents to sleep, he puts the fans to sleep. Goodnight.

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