Movie Reviews

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

        Rather than finding any way to make money at the consumer’s expense, why not actually put together a quality film based off of a unique and creative concept?  At a bare minimum, at least find a way to piece this together effectively and have a premise, a plot and some character development? I like spiders, I like Vampires, some sweaty fat guy likes us both and keeps following us, that is reason enough to rush to a police station!  Why was Willem Defoe in this film?  Did he have a bad mushroom trip and wind up on the wrong stage set? 

       I think the creepiest part of the entire movie was Selma Hayek growing a beard when she got aroused.  That changed my dreamscape forever, let me tell you.  Under the horizon of Twilight and now Cirque du Freak, I find myself wanting something more. Maybe there is more to my life than being an educated human. Maybe I too will go where no man has gone before. Maybe I will spend $9.00 on a small stale popcorn and $11.00 on a bottle of water to see another film. Maybe I will sit down on the urine crusted bathroom stall with the backed up toilet. Maybe I will watch this film listening to people talk on their cell phones and a fat man breathing hot dog breath sitting behind me when there are 200 empty seats remaining across the room; and then it dawned on me, the theater was nearly empty because I was one of the only suckers to waste time seeing this film.

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