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The Three Stooges Movie

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

In this rendition of The Three Stooges Moe, Larry and Curly are orphans. They simply terrorize their orphanage but never on purpose. Put simply, they do not know any better. They are being raised by Mother superior (Jane Lynch from Glee), by Sister Rosemary (Jennifer Hudson), by Sister Bernice (Sports Illustrated's Kate Upton) and most hilariously by Sister Mary-Mengele (Larry David who for some reason finds humor in adorning a Nazi death doctor's name).

It is easy as pie for these three devils to make friends because they are forever innocent children even as adults. The Ferrelly Brothers at all times remain true to the personalities and characteristics of the original threesome. The stooges are accident prone and they cause mischief at every turn. There are more than enough laughs for even the ardent opponents of slapstick humor. On a short-lived side note, Jennifer Hudson delights us with some lovely anti-Caucasian jokes. It must have been lovely being a five hundred pound couchon (French for pig).

While living at the orphanage and being routinely castrated by Mother Mary-Mengele, Moe is adopted by affluent parents. After insisting his new foster parents adopt his two best friends they decide to adopt the adorable Teddy instead. Moe keeps this turn of events a secret for 25 years.

When the stooges are full grown Mother Superior is forced to drop some gargantuan news on our fiery boys. It turns out the orphanage is underfunded and will have to close unless over $800,000 is donated in short order. Our heroic boys decide to brave the real world and make millions for their lifelong friends and protectors.

In the real world Larry, Moe and Curly are approached by a bosomy babe named Lydia (Sofia Vergara). Lydia is pretty much a pile of boobs with an unnoticeable face attached. Did I write that or think that? Even on screen it is a challenge of man's instincts versus societal expectations not to spend half of the movie watching her boobs bob up and down. Lydia's boyfriend propositions the stooges to commit murder in exchange for the money needed to keep the orphanage running. Through extreme deception and sophistry the stooges are cajoled into agreeing to the deal. This leads to hospital chases, zoo episodes, and attempted murder as only the stooges are capable.

Ultimately, the stooges find their way in the world separately. Moe accidentally auditions for stardom and becomes the newest member of the Jersey Shore. He beats the living piss out of Mike "the Constipation" Sorrentino, pokes Snookie in the eyes and rips out JWow's nose hairs (it's about time somebody did that!). Curly and Larry sleep in a dumpster outside the Ritz and sell spoiled ice cream to make ends meet.

Enough with the plot, let's get to what Screen Spotlight's audience is really craving for. Do we approve of The Three Stooges 2012? In many ways I wanted to hate this new twist on the antique story. Remakes are a dozen a dime and few of them are endearing. Most are awful excuses to pander to new audiences that want the past to be recreated in a way that matches their own generation's humor. The Farrelly Brothers have kept technology to a minimum here and someway, somehow they have caused the three stooges to appear timeless. Sasso, Hayes and Diamontopoulis are truly very talented actors. Sasso and Diamontopoulis are far better than the meandering Hayes but that is irrelevant. The Three Stooges 2012 is funny, heart-warming, and charming. A little something is lost with the addition of color and nobody can ever truly replace the original stooges (including Shemp Howard) but that is not at all what the Farrelly Brothers are after. This Three Stooges is not about attracting a new audience, it is about making older lovers of the characters and the television program happy. Almost nothing is lost and the jokes and stunts are the same as ever. Two index fingers up because that is the best way to poke you and I am not referring to Facebook.

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