New Moon? More like full moon, fever! Let’s forget about the rookie projectionist who could not center a sexual advance were he lucky enough to have one. Instead, we need to focus on the fascinating audience demographic. I counted 60% 13 year old girls, 20% morbidly obese vampire wannabees, 18% horny men dragged along to call Edward Edwin from Narnia, and 2% my girlfriend and myself. 

    Fans salivated over the prospect of an Edward Cullen-Jacob Black-Bella Swan love triangle and it is here to stay. After witnessing Bella’s vulnerability Edward does the brave (or cowardly?) act of leaving her to live without the danger of vampires. He does this while realizing his enemies want to kill Bella. Good move!

     During her months of despair Jacob Black becomes her best friend. Though enamored with her, Jacob controls his emotions and hormones in order to remain in her life. The situation changes when he reaches full maturity and transforms into a werewolf. Unsurprisingly, Bella finds this metamorphosis fascinating. Jacob Black (portrayed by Taylor Lautner) is by virtue of CGI a flawless wolf. She is in love with him as her best friend, daredevil rescuer, and savior, but she still pines for Edward. In a moment of idiocy Edward calls for Bella and Jacob intimates she is dead. Immediately awestruck, Cullen decides to invoke the Volturi who are centuries old vampires in order to request a formal suicide.

     Once rescued from Volturi headquarters (with some chicanery and a few harrowing moments) somewhere in Italy (how she afforded a plane ticket and gained a passport in 6 minutes and then flew 8-12 hours across the world to make it on time is truly the smoke and mirrors of Hollywood), Edward returns to Forks with Bella. They are immediately greeted by Jacob whose rage causes another transformation. Bella stands between Edward and Jake and tells her werewolf best friend she loves him but would never leave her one true love. In order to secure their release from the Volturi Edward promised to turn Bella. He reneges on his promise but the Cullen family takes a vote in her favor. Edward’s one request is that Bella marry him first and on this note the movie ends with a cliffhanger (not a cliff-dive people!).

     Although everybody believed the second movie could not be worse than the first utter fiasco, it is a pleasant surprise to see Twilight go from a 1/10 to a 9/10 in the course of a year. My only complaint is that teenage girls froth at the mouth over Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner who both are wearing makeup, spray on abs, and have professional hair stylists. The amount of libido in young kids these days is appalling. Put a leash on your 12 year old, if she would literally scream at the sight of an actor what else would she do? The cult of popularity surrounding celebrities is something to behold. We live in a different day and age now. Great movie, pitiful crowd, Robert Pattinson is due for a break out role.