Movie Reviews

The Five Year Engagement

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Written by Jonathan Jacobs

Tom Solomon is a sous chef on his way to becoming a star in the culinary world of San Francisco. That is, until one New Year's Eve, dressed like the energizer bunny and scouring a bar full of women alone (serial killer alert) he makes eye contact with Violet Barnes. Violet is dressed like Princess Diana though I doubt if Di would have been swept away by a 6'4" (Jason Segel) tall psychotic bunny. Sufficed to say that is the moment when their relationship began in earnest. Fast forward a year and Tom proposes on that very same day on the rooftop to his Vi and she says...yes, duh! There wouldn't be a 5 year engagement without an agreement.

Once engaged the couple is extraordinarily happy. Their wish is to have their entire family together for the wedding but no date is ever set and people begin dying before they can seal the deal, tie the knot, attach the old ball and chain. One day, after waiting for the mail every day Violet receives an acceptance letter to the University of Michigan for a post graduate research fellowship. This is her dream job and one that she simply cannot pass up. Feeling caught up in the moment and a sense of hubris for his partner's good fortune, Tom agrees to move to Michigan with her for the 2 year fellowship and to postpone the wedding. When our chef extraordinaire approaches his boss with the bad news he comes to find out she wanted him to become the lead chef of The Clam Bar, a brand new chic restaurant perfect for his talent. But alas, Tom has already promised Emily his heart and his company in Michigan.

Adding a bitter wrinkly to Tom's worries is Violet's sister Suzie (Alison Brie). Suzie has been impregnated by Tom's best friend and fellow chef Alex (Chris Pratt). When Tom refuses the head chef position (his dream job) to pursue his future wife's career, he loses out not only on a very lucrative opportunity, but his friend takes the position instead. Tom's spirit and career is already demolished before he has even moved to the relative frozen tundra that is Michigan.

Once in Michigan problems develop quickly. Tom is homesick and stuck working at a local restaurant surrounded by deer hunters and house husbands that knit sweaters. Perhaps the funniest moment of the film is watching Tom carry a dear carcass to his car and seeing it collapse. He becomes something of a venison-meat-locker-guy, I like that guy! He is bored and listless and always worries about his fiancée's affections.

Violet adores her research and develops an unhealthy attachment to her robotic professor Winton (Rhys Ifans). From the outset the good professor has his eyes set on betrothing of bedding Violet. He wants to band together as one intellectual to the next which is common in the demanding and busy world of academia. Their research team also consists of Vaneetha (Mindy Kaling from The Office), Ming (Randall Park), and Doug (Kevin Hart). There are far too many crude and random Asian jokes in this film. They come from left field and having their home base of operations in San Francisco only makes the meaning of the insensitive and absurd jokes that much more salient. Mindy Kaling is her same obnoxious, obese, loudmouth self and that does not upgrade the movie one iota. Many believe Kevin Hart is a star on the rise but his verbal skills are out and out dreadful.

As time passes by new challenges develop in their relationship. When Violet's fellowship is extended by three years Tom becomes reclusive and bizarre. He rarely leaves the house and develops an obsession with manufacturing household items out of deer hide or deer horns. Moving to Michigan was like taking their relationship to the quarry, that is to say it put them on the rocks.

To write more of a recapitulation would make Screen Spotlight a spoiler, and Kate Hudson exclaimed it best; "nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles". The Five Year Engagement is a long movie portraying a long and grueling relationship. One can feel the love, animosity and jealousy as if it were their own. Jason Segel and Nicolas Stoller play this one too close to the chest.  Expectations are meaningless but if I may, I expected a laugh out loud Apatow comedy a la Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Instead I received the semi-comedic version of a Nicolas Sparks novel. Everybody knows that I love Emily Blunt and find her to e a deliciously talented actress that should star in far more movies than she does, but Jason Segel is more brooding sufferable than funny and entertaining here. While there is so much to relate to an enjoy in The Five Year Engagement, I went to laugh and I came out crying.

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