In All About Steve Ms. Bullock plays a crossworder (one who creates crossword puzzles). She lives with her parents, rarely dates, her only friend is a guinea pig (rightfully so) and she wears giant red boots designed to make people wonder if she is a clown. Randomly her extremely kind parents set Bullock up with Steve (Bradley Cooper), a camera man for a famous news reporter. Bradley Cooper never stops smiling. He has fake teeth all around, a hair transplant system, and is so horribly annoying one cannot help but wonder if tomatoes are not enough to throw at the screen. Once she meets steve by the parents’ staircase Bullock decides to change into a sequin skirt, oo la la! The instant the newly introduced pair step into Steve’s car, Bullock attacks him and begins stripping. Normally this would be considered a good technique, but once half naked (not sure which is the good half on Bullock) she begins having verbal diarrhea and saying the most inane and ridiculous drivel ever conceived. Whoever wrote this script is an asshole.

     Usually this is the moment when women start thinking the main character is sweet and pretty (see Kate Hudson or Katherine Heigl) but Bullock possesses none of their qualities and all of their flaws. The dialogue is so awful one has to wonder why anyone would develop feelings for the characters. Steve becomes horrified and pretends to answer a breaking news distress call while Bullock is attempting to pseudo mount him while talking about inanities (probably missed an S there!). Steve leaves and vows to never return.

     The following day our crossworder is in love and writes and entire puzzle for the newspaper in which every clue begins with ‘Steve likes, or Steve has’. Unsurprisingly nobody bothered to edit her work, the morons at the newspaper published it and subsequently fired her. This is reason for termination from a job as a crossworder? Spank me and call me Sally! The remainder of the movie (if one can genuinely label this a movie) is about Bullock’s quest to win Steve’s affection. The one funny moment involves Bullock falling into a hole while the cameras are rolling. Too bad she got out. D- would be generous, but being parsimonious (stingy people, look it up!) I offer it an F. All About Steve is better than Xanax.